Multiple Myeloma has stolen my body. I am poked and prodded every other week. Before my transplant it was every week and the 2 weeks after my transplant it was every day. Sometimes twice a day. Because I had to go through high doses of chemotherapy the month before and a few days before my transplant, MM took my hair. Not just on the top of my head, it took my eyebrow hair, eyelashes, arm and leg hairs (I really don't mind the leg hairs because I don't have to shave all summer), and everywhere else. I was transformed into somebody people wouldn't recognize if they hadn't seen pictures of me through the whole process.
MM has stolen my energy. It really has. There are a lot of times, days, when it's tough to keep up with Brandon. Luckily those days Eric is home and he helps out a lot. Sometimes though, it happens when Eric has to work. Those days are the days I drink a lot of caffeine and just hope for the best. With Brandon crawling and walking all over the place these days, I can sit and watch him from my chair or lay on the floor in his room and let him crawl and play around in there. Where it gets tough is if I don't have the energy to pick him up. That happened tonight. When it was time to come up stairs. We are very lucky that he seems to be an independent child when he needs to be and he climbed the stairs and crawled into his room for me. We could have stayed down stairs until Eric got home from work, but that wouldn't be until maybe around 11pm. Brandon would be, hopefully and it's true, asleep and out cold by then. I would still have low energy.
My health. MM has definitely taken my health. It has taken in by taking my bones and now joints. Because of the compression fractures, there is only so much I can do and my bones ache. Not to mention that around two months after transplant, if you had any sports injuries or other injuries that affect your joints, those will start to inflame. So, my right elbow and knees have been aching and hurting like crazy. After getting my Zometa IV last week they have died down a little, but I am sure it will start to hurt again once it gets closer to the next time I get the Zometa. That's only once a month.
MM hasn't really taken my family or friends. Maybe it has in the ones that I don't ever hear from or talk to anymore, but that really isn't many. If anything, I have gained MORE friends and I hear from family a lot more. It has made me closer to my mother and father in law also. They helped us out so much through the almost year come November of treatment once a month while I had my "long" days with both chemo and Zometa, then they dropped everything to help us out at Stanford in May and for a week and a half in June. My dad came up to help also in June. Luckily we were only there, well I was only there, for 2 1/2 weeks. And I think that's only because I was hospitalized for a week. I've made many new friends through the MM groups on Facebook I am a part of and also from Eric's work. I may not have met all of these people, but I believe one day I will. Maybe not this year or next, but one day.
The biggest thing MM has taken is definitely who I used to be. I used to be adventurous. Spontaneous at times. Now, and Eric had to point it out to me yesterday, I am kind of bland. Just do what is planned and that is all. You see, we were getting on the freeway here in town to go into the next town to go to Barnes & Noble and then something for dinner. As we were on the onramp Eric saw not one but two dildo vibrators on the side of the road. Usually, I would have been all for turning around and going back to make sure that's what they were and yesterday I was the dud. I just wanted to keep on going. Do as planned. It kind of took the wind out of Eric's sails yesterday, and I hate that. All I can think of that's making me be that way is being a mom with cancer. Usually you hear of people who have cancer doing crazy and exciting things. I think I would if I didn't have Brandon. I want to be here for him and so I am a lot more careful. But, after that realization last yesterday, I am going to make every effort to change this one. Well, not have it be so drastic. I am not allowed to do my hard Beachbody workouts. So it has taken that away from me.
After writing this post, I've decided I am going to change what I can. It won't be all of it, but I know I can change some of it. I may have MM, but MM doesn't have me.
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