I am now in my new home. The day I got the keys, my parents came up to help me move in that weekend. So, once I had a bit of time laying there on the floor, giddy and excited that this was my place. No landlord. No apartment office. All mine. I got up and went to pick up my parents. We went for dinner then to my apartment to get the fur children (Kahlua and my old cat Elvis) and a few items to sleep with and went out to the condo for the night. It was really weird to not be in my apartment and to be sleeping on the floor in my new bedroom. The same room I am in now as I type this post. The walls were so white. No furniture, no pictures, no nothing. Just some blankets and pillows on the floor and a change of clothes for the next day. We took the weekend to move in, get some items at Lowes, Home Depot and Target, and put the place to together as much as possible with my parents before they went home that Sunday. My first night here alone was really weird. Quiet. I didn't have any neighbors that moved in yet on either side of me, so I couldn't hear anything except a few cars driving by on the road at night and the occasional plane flying overhead. I got used to it after about 2 weeks, and I am still here in the same place almost 8 years later.
The next few years were pretty uneventful, with the exception of an engagement that ended in me finding him cheating, with many different girls. That was a tough time. I would like to think I had been a pretty good judge of character and have no clue why I would have fallen for somebody like him. The thing about him that gave away the cheating was that his lies were not adding up. The places he said he was he really wasn't. The jobs he said he was doing, he really wasn't. And the biggest one was his ex and mother of his oldest son. He said he was going to see his son and staying in a hotel, he wasn't there. And then I saw the Facebook post of hers that they were engaged. He couldn't lie good enough for me. Maybe his lies were good enough for the other girls, but he forgot I some things I told him. And the fact that I paid the phone bill. In the end, I kicked him out and even took him to court. Of course, he still hasn't paid the judgement, and I know I will never see a dime, but knowing he really didn't get away with anything he did to me, thats good enough. I learned from that mistake. It made me a stronger person. The person I am today.
A few months later, February 2011, I met the man who would become my husband and father of my baby boy. Eric and I met on Chemistry.com. We e-mailed a few times on the site, and then took it to our personal e-mails and eventually phone calls. Long phone calls. Our first one was about 3 hours long. And we didn't have those long awkward pauses. We talked. About everything and anything. Then, on February 15th we had our first date at Macaroni Grill in Folsom. This date was so different from any date I had ever been on before. A typical date for me would be coffee or dinner and the conversation would be boring or almost non existent. Not that I didn't try, the guy would not be as interesting or wouldn't try in person. But, this date with Eric, like our phone calls, was all about conversation. We were so into the conversation that we got a little annoyed that the waiter kept coming by and asking how we were. We know he was doing his job, but we wanted to talk and not be interrupted. As dinner was ending, we didn't want the date to end. So, we decided to head down to Old Sacramento to walk around, but as we got outside, we found it pouring rain. Like puddles everywhere so hard it was almost like it was rocks pelting you. Plans changed and we ended up driving around Sacramento. He showed me all the places he lived around the area and where he went to school. He showed me where his best friend in high school lived and where his aunt lived. Then, we decided to go bowling. It was probably about 11pm at this point, but we honestly lost all track of time. We were genuinely enjoying our time together. The conversation was still going strong. We played a few frames and then decided at about 1am that we should probably go get my car. As we got back to my car, we still sat in the truck for about another hour just talking. Finally, we decided I needed to get going since I still had a 45 minute drive home. Moments after getting in my car and pulling out of the parking lot, my phone rings and it was him. He kept me company all the way home. When we finally hung up when I got home, I remember thinking to myself "Did this night just happen? Did I really have this amazing date full of conversation that seemed neither of us wanted to end?" I had a "perm grin" on my face. It felt good. Especially after the crap engagement I had. It almost felt too good to be true.
As most relationships have, we had our ups and downs. Nothing is perfect, and if it were, what fun would that be? Eric and mines relationship was real. We talked. We had fun doing nothing together. It was everything I had always wanted in a relationship. On our one year anniversary he kinda surprised me with a trip overnight to Tahoe. It was a great trip at that too. Fun, relaxing, just what we both needed. I say kinda surprised because I needed to know some of what we were going to do since I would need to find somebody to watch Kailua. Otherwise, it was a surprise. A great surprise. Our drive up was beautiful with all the snow. And we drove home going through Emerald Bay and up to North Lake Tahoe to hit Interstate 80. Everything was still going well. I was shocked really. Usually I find something wrong at this point, and I couldn't. Come Christmas 2012 we got to talking and decided to get married. He did ask, but I really didn't need some extravagant proposal. We were sitting on the couch, having some wine and watching a movie that we probably paused a million times (which is normal for us because we will start talking...or, really, I will start talking) and I told him my concern for the event that happened that day. He saw my side of it and started think it could be. And, knowing how we felt about each other. The fact we didn't want to ever live apart from each other again. He asked, and I said yes. But, he did want to ask my dad. That happened about a month later while I was in Southern California for a family reunion. My dad, his girlfriend at the time and I all went to dinner and thats when Eric called and talked to my dad. Sitting right there, in front of me, my dad said "of course" and told Eric how much he liked him and that he knew he'd take care of me. So, easy as it could be, we were engaged.
We didn't want a huge elaborate wedding. We wanted something easy and fun. I didn't have your traditional wedding dress either. I had a dress made by a lady in Thailand that was nice and kind of little a summer dress. The week before we got married, we had our "Familymoon". We flew Eric's 3 boys out from Missouri and we all (along with my dad, step mom, brother, nephew, Erics parents, his sister and her family and his brother and his family) went to Disneyland. My step mom got us a room in the amazing Grand Californian Hotel there at Disneyland. It was amazing! We had 2 nights there and barely saw the room, but the boys had fun and so did we. After Disneyland, we drove back home and got ready for the wedding. We got married on August 2nd, 2013 at Jodar Wine Tasting Room in front of about 50 family and close friends. It was a short and to the point wedding. Our friend Mark married us. Another friend played the ukulele. And then later that afternoon, our reception was simple and at my brother in law and sister in laws house. That night, we stayed in a hotel room and had Taco Bell tacos and some rum and cokes while opening cards. The next morning was what we called part of the wedding also. The Color Run! It was so much fun and my dad, even though he didn't do it with us, he came with my nephew before leaving to go home and watched us. Taking pictures. I'll tell you, it was a wonderful weekend. The rest of the time the boys were with us we went to Tahoe for my birthday and also to San Fransisco and Pacifica a few days later. Before the boys had to go home later in the week. It was a great 3 weeks with them.
In February 2014, we decided to start trying for a baby. Come the end of May that year, we found we were expecting, only to lose it a few weeks later at 6 weeks along. We waited a few months and then tried again. On September 11th I had a feeling I was pregnant again. I was feeling off and was a few days late. But, I was in Fresno for a Perfectly Posh event and couldn't find out. So, I waited until the next morning. Come to find out, my intuition was right. We were expecting again. This one was going great! Each appointment there was a strong heartbeat and I was having that dreaded morning sickness. On November 13th we had out 12 week appointment. We were so excited to see how big it had gotten and to heart that strong heartbeat again. Then, as my doctor kept looking at the screen, not saying anything, I knew something was wrong. He couldn't hide it on his face. He turned the monitor to show us and explained that there was no heartbeat and that it was only measuring at 10 weeks. That our little baby stopped growing at 10 weeks. We were devastated. And, especially me, since I had to wait for an appointment to have my baby taken out of me. Unfortunately, that day never came. Before my scheduled appointment, I started to bleed and have horrible back pains and lower abdomen pains. Looking back, I think I was going into labor. My body was trying to get rid of it naturally. A trip to the ER and an amazing doctor there, we finally had our baby. If only for a few moments. She was tiny, but we had her. After that, I was really devastated. Emotional. And still in pain. That even left me with a horrible pain in my lower back that seemed to never go away. As if losing your baby wasn't enough, the aftermath with the horrible back pain made it even worse.
After that, I decided we will try one more time. That was all I thought I could handle. And, come the end of February 2015, I was pregnant again. This time we only told my parents, 2 of my friends Karen and Kristy, and Erics sister and family. It was tough to keep a secret, but I wanted to spare myself the heartbreak of telling people it didn't make it should that had happen. Then, on Mothers day, at 14 weeks along, we announced to everybody that we were, in fact, expecting a baby boy. We announced it with a picture of the dogs and my belly. It felt good to finally have told everybody. To not have that secret. This pregnancy was going great too. The only issue was at this point the protein levels in my urine were getting high, slowly. Every prenatal appointment they would get higher but my blood pressure was low. Really low. Around 100/68. Finally, on August 10th, my doctor was so concerned that he called and got me an appointment for that day with a Nephrologist (kidney doctor). I went to her, she ordered more lab work. Throughout that week the test results were coming back normal. Finally, on Sunday, August 16th, while working overtime, she called. She told me that everything was coming back normal until this last test. This last test said that my bone marrow was producing abnormal protein which was backing up into my kidneys. She told me she has referred me over to a hematologist/oncologist and they would be calling me to make an appointment. That Wednesday, August 19th, Eric and I walked into that appointment not knowing anything really. Only what we had read online because we didn't know what was going on. We were thinking Leukemia. The doctor came in, and explained to us what had been found, and that is was malignant. It was Multiple Myeloma. Me, being the emotional person I am, immediately started to tear up. I tried to be strong, but I couldn't. Which my doctor measured me was ok. To go ahead and cry or do whatever I needed to do. He told us how there is no cure right now but there is really good treatment. That appointment ended with me having a bone marrow biopsy (BMB) and Eric & leaving to go get the prescriptions I would be taking until I could have chemo after Brandon was born.
Because of the cancer, I ended up with a new OB. A high risk pregnancy OB. She was amazing! I wish I could have her as my regular OB but she is only for high risk pregnancies. Not that my current one isn't good. He's great also, but she made us felt at home and welcome and like everything was going to be ok from the very beginning. Part of all of this was the possibility that I would have to have Brandon somewhere between 30 and 32 weeks. Which meant a NICU stay. Then, as things went on, both she and my Oncologist left it up to me to decide when we would have him. Since, one thing this cancer causes is bone lesions, and I had them. In my lumbar and T12 region. I started twice a week fetal monitoring and once every other week prenatal appointments. We had a c-section scheduled for 34 weeks, and since I was feeling pretty well and my bak wasn't hurting that bad, we decided to cancel that appointment and left it to me to tell her when my back was ready. It only took another week. My back started to hurt something fierce the Thursday before my next appointment with her. So, at that appointment, I told her what was going on and we made the appointment for my c-section for that following Tuesday, October 6th. Eric and I had a maternity photo shoot with my amazing friend Brian and then our last dinner alone at Outback afterwards (they had an all you can eat shrimp deal I knew Eric would love). We got things ready that weekend. Finished the nursery, packed my bag and made sure to have a going home outfit packed for Brandon. All the things you would do should you be getting ready for any birth. C-section, natural, full term, early. Then, on Monday night, we had dinner at my brother in law and sister in laws house. Just us and our niece. Talking about how excited we were for the next day. And that we would let them know when we were set in our room and ready for visitors. Our last visit with them just us. All of us excited for the 6th.
Eric and I couldn't sleep that night. We were too excited. We managed to get some, but we were up at 6am. Before the alarm went off. So, we got up and had our last morning just us and the puppies. We had to be at the hospital at 10am, so we finally got ready, packed the car, and off we went to the hospital. We got there and got great parking and walked in, excited and holding hands. Immediately went back and started admitting paperwork and off to our room we went. I have to say, all of our nurses we had that day, and the few days after, were amazing! Especially that day though. She was there with us the whole time. At 12:20 I walked to the surgical room. Got my spinal tap. Played down. Eric came in as they were cutting me open and at 12:46pm, with Eric watching (because he loves this medical stuff) our little 6 pound 7 ounce 19 1/4 inches long baby boy was born. That first cry I heard brought happy tears to my eyes. Tears I was trying to hold back, but couldn't. Eric went over and got to watch him being cleaned up, weighed, then wrapped up and the nurses brought him over to me. He was beautiful. Our little man who saved his mommy's life was here. One thing I forgot to mention, we did have NICU nurses in the room with us. While I was holding Brandon, I realized the room was a little more empty. We asked if he had to go to NICU and the answer was no. He was healthy, had great lungs and everything was looking great on him. I didn't have to wait to see him more. I was going to be going to my room with my baby boy.
Since his birth, everything has been a blur and whirlwind. Just over a month after having him I started my chemo treatments. Within a month my numbers were down from 5000 to 500. Now, after 5 cycles down and starting my 6th cycle today, I am hovering around 6 or 8 to 16 or 17 and have my SCT scheduled for June 6th. My life has been pretty normal, for the most part. But I don't think I would change anything. It made me who I am today. And that person, though sometimes stubborn, obnoxious and emotional, is a pretty good person over all.
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