I know for a fact, I am at the point right now that I wish it would happen faster. Being a mommy to a demanding infant who's on the move is not easy. As much as I love being home with him, I also can't wait to get back to working so I can actually shower every day. You read that right. I don't get a shower every day. Usually I am taking care of Brandon and the dogs all day, that I get put on the way side while Eric is at work. Today. Today alone, I realized I hadn't showered since 4th of July. Yep, It had been almost a whole week. I will admit that. Well, I did get a bath a few days ago. But that's not a scrubbing my whole body kind of bath. For me, I love to soak in the tub. To relax. So, when Eric got home today from doing the recycling, I told him he needed to take Brandon so I could shower.
My Jams to help make me feel "girly" for now
After my shower I was ready to take Brandon back and play with him, after he woke up from his nap. It's what I do. But, Eric told me to go get some rest. I couldn't sleep, so, I took a mental break. Also, a "girly" break. Yes, I need those sometimes. Especially right now. Having no hair, or almost no hair, really thinned out eyebrows and almost no eyelashes, there isn't much I can do to make myself feel pretty. Basically, right now at this stage, I feel ugly. So, to help myself feel a little pretty, I did my nails. Probably the 3rd time since 4th of July I've done them. Doing my nails is one way I can feel girly and pretty. Especially since I have no hair. I love my wigs too. The two I have so far, but I can only wear them for a few hours before they make my head really itchy. It's that netting inside. The part that shapes to your head.
Doing my make-up is kind of out right now. Mainly because I don't really have any eyelashes. It's not easy to curl them nor put on mascara. And I'm not the kind of girl to wear false lashes. They feel too weird on. Actually, they make my eyelid feel heavy. For me, for years, the only make-up I would wear was mascara. That's my go to. What I always put on. But right now I can't. And I feel like "why wear any make up if I can't wear mascara?" So, I wait until my lashes grow back. I have a feeling it's going to take a while.
Can't see it very well, there are hairs growing in!!!
On a good note, I've noticed that my hair is starting to slowly grow back. I have some spots that it never went away. But, I have these little fuzzy spots where new hair is growing in. That's exciting! I can't wait to see what my hair does coming back. I'm sure it's going to come back the same way it was before. I'm the "plain Jane" kind of girl. But, it'll be interesting to see if it comes back curly or wavy. Or maybe a different color. One thing I do know is, I don't think I will dye my hair. At least for a very long time. I want my natural hair to shine through. It'll be my badge of honor. I lost it, then it came back and is soft and silky and shiny...hopefully!
I know this is kind of a vain post. It's not like me. But it is how I feel. Not being able to look that girly lately has had me down and feeling ugly. A lot of times, I do put on a front that I am ok when deep down I may be hurting or suffering some kind of depression. Crazy to think, it's over something so vain. Something I've never really cared about before. And it's taking a lot longer than I would like right now to have certain things come back. Eyelashes, hair, eyebrows, etc. I have to keep reminding myself, "It's only been a month." "It's going to take some time." It's true, it will. But I think I am allowed to have these little spurts where I feel down. I don't have to be happy all the time. I think then that really shows there is something wrong with me. Nobody is always happy.
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