Going Back To Work...Soon

I honestly didn't think it would be that hard. After 11 1/2 months off, I figured I'd be fine with going back to work. Now, I think all the time I've been off is making it harder. And especially since Brandon is developing so much more now. I know I'm not going back tomorrow, but I will be going back really soon. I just found out today that my catastrophic leave is used up. Basically, per the contract, I'm only allowed 6 months of it. And, well, I've exhausted that. Of course, I found this out from old co-workers. Not anybody above me or personnel. So, I have to go back to work in order to get paid.

9 month photo shoot

All of that means, I need to get some paperwork taken care of ASAP so I can be found a different job. Because I can not go back to the park our dispatch center is at. If I did, I wouldn't be able to dispatch anyway. I can not be around all the dust and dirt from the off road tracks and everything out there. Not to mention, we will need to figure out child care. Of course, there will be days we won't need it because Eric will be home or we will only need 2 or 3 hours because Eric will work later than I will and I will be off soon after he starts. We have our friend Julie who has offered, but the only problem there is the days Eric drops him off. He will have to leave a few hours before going to work to drop him off then head in to work. All of this will be so different for us. Especially Brandon. He's great with other people, but he's only used to his house and family's house. Well, except for one friends house...or should I say, farm. He loved it there.

Dinner time

Just thinking of leaving Brandon all day is making me sad. Every time I think about it, I get tears in my eyes. I know it'll be good for him. I know he's ready, it's just really hard. When your whole life, other than cancer treatment, has been your child. He has been the happy in my bad days. He's been there to always put a smile on my face throughout the day. I love snuggling him for his naps. He's definitely my little buddy. My little man. He is my fun, fearless, crazy, happy boy. I don't want to miss a moment of his life. But, I know I will have to.

Standing on his chair

How do you do it? How do all you working moms go back to work after having your baby? I'm finding it's going to be really hard. And mine is 9 months old now. Most women go back to work when their baby is anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months old. That's got to be really hard too. But, I guess I need to get used to the idea. Gotta pay the bills.