4th of July 2016
February 15, 2011. That's the day I met Eric in person. For a few days before our first date we talked and got to know each other through e-mails and 3 hour conversations on the phone. Usually, when I would meet a guy for the first time, I am very shy and it takes me a while to warm up to them. With Eric it was different. We talked all through dinner. We knew the waiter was just doing his job with asking if we needed anything else and how we were doing, but we were bothered with all the interruptions. I won't bore you with all the same details over again from earlier in my posts, but basically, we didn't want to part.
Flash forward a few months and we almost broke up. Because I was going kind of crazy. I had mood swings up the wazoo. All from my birth control I was on, Depo Provera. I begged and fought and pleaded with Eric to give me another chance (since I was switching birth controls) and he gave in. It definitely helped. Changing birth controls that is. My mood swings changed and really were almost non existent. A few months later Eric moved in with me. I think it was the best thing since it helped up get to know each other even better and it proved we loved each other even more. We had small "fights" like any couple would, but we got into a groove and things went smoothly. We loved being around each other and spending time together. It made it easier with our different schedules too.
Love
Christmas of 2012 we talked and decided we wanted to get married. We made it official (engagement) that January and were married August 2, 2013. We had a familymoon before the wedding with his 3 boys and the rest of our families at Disneyland and California Adventure. Although, after the wedding we took small day trips to Lake Tahoe on my birthday 2 days later and to San Fransisco and Pacifica. We didn't have the typical vows using "lil death do you part" and "in sickness and in health". We knew that would be true. We just didn't think the sickness part would be so real and so soon.
Family 4th
4th of July
The following February (2014) we decided to start trying for a baby. As I've said before, we got pregnant May 2014 and lost that one June 2014. Then, that September we found out we were again and lost that pregnancy at 12 weeks in November. That one was the toughest, for both of us, because we heard the heartbeat just 2 days before that appointment at home because a friend gave us a home heart monitor. Not only was it hard for us because of that, but a few days after we found no heartbeat, I started to have back labor. So intense I couldn't walk almost. Eric was so amazing. Even though he was scared, he kept as calm as he could. Ended up being that my cervix wasn't opening enough for the sac to come out. The doctors in the ER called for a OB doctor to come down and she got our baby out for us. Eric being the "geek" he is and fascinated by anything science/medical related, saw the sac with the placenta all attached to it in the cup. He was there with me the whole time. Rubbing my back, holding me, making sure I was as comfortable as can be. After we left the ER he got me whatever I wanted to eat/drink and got me home and comfortable. For the next few days after, he waited on me and helped me around since my back was still in spasm mode from the back labor.
"Say Anything"
With our last pregnancy, we were both excited but also nervous. Of course, Eric being the amazing man he is, he kept calm and never showed he was nervous or scared. Week 27 came and we were referred to a nephrologist. Eric thought nothing of it. He figured it was just precautionary. For me, I was worried something was wrong. But again, Eric kept calm. When I got that last blood test back and told him I googled what it meant and it was cancer, he still kept calm and told me that we didn't know and we will wait until we talk to the doctor. Of course, that day came and he was right there by my side as we heard the news that is was malignant and it was Multiple Myeloma. Eric had been across from me (I was on the exam table) and he moved to be right with me, holding me, trying to make sense of it all. All while I was crying. After we got the news, I had the bone marrow biopsy and Eric stood right there at my head holding my hand, stroking my head and talking to me to keep my mind off the pain. Again, his fascination for medicine/science came out and he watched the biopsy as he was comforting me.
Music
After that appointment he took me home, got me comfortable in bed to nap (which I couldn't) and he ran around getting my prescriptions and getting me ice cream and other treats of comfort. We were both worried about Brandon, but knew the doctors would do what they could to keep Brandon and myself safe. As the news sunk in over the next few days, Eric went into a deep depression and turned to alcohol. It was his way of coping with the news. He knew he had to be strong for me. But, once we were dealing with it all, he broke down. Eventually, he realized what was going on and contacted our family doctor for help. They talked and Eric ended up with a prescription for Zoloft, an antidepressant. As he started to take it, he stopped drinking. Zoloft had an unintended side effect for Eric. As long as he takes it, even a sip of alcohol makes him nauseous. So, Eric doesn't drink anymore. He likes the medicine and how it helps him process the world around him. The medication helped him with his depression and helped us get ready for Brandon's arrival. I am so proud of him for realizing what was going on and what he needed.
Goofy guys
He is still on Zoloft, as it still helps him with his depression. Depression is real. You never know who it will affect. I never though Eric had it until we talked about it. Really talked about it. Now, we talk. Of course, being the caregiver through my transplant months was tough too. There were days he would forget to take his medicine. And it would affect him. There were days it got to him so much that he wanted to kill himself. But we would talk and he would realize that isn't the answer. Not only does he have depression, but he has Aspergers Syndrome. He is on the Autism Spectrum. He grew up not knowing it. A few months after we got married, Eric was diagnosed. He doesn't think like the rest of us. He doesn't get most sarcasm. He is learning a little from me, but for him everything is straight forward. He takes things very literally. He doesn't take to people attacking the ones he loves and will lash out. He doesn't take to people lashing out at him. It scares him. It makes it where he feels he can't trust that person. To him, relationships are everything. This I love about him. His relationships with others mean so much and when those people he thought were his friends or cared for him lash out at him, he backs away. He shuts down. He needs a world where people can talk to him if there is an issue. Not pretend that something was not said or done. Not yell. Not lash out and say hurtful things. I used to be one of those people until we talked and he told me what he needed. Until he told me how it hurts him and scares him. Everything Eric has had to deal with, with being a caregiver for me and for Brandon, it's rough on somebody not only with depression, but also with Aspergers Syndrome.
Ugly Chair
I married Eric because even though I didn't fully understand him, I knew I loved him. I knew that his quirkiness I loved. He cares deeply. He loves deeply. He is passionate about so much in his world. From plants, to science, politics (which I don't get all of that), lately sports cards he is collecting for Brandon. He is learning about all these different players so he can tell Brandon about them when he is older. He loves music. I love that he plays guitar and wants to and try now, to teach Brandon. We both can see that Brandon has a musical side to him. What instrument it will be, we are not sure, but leaning towards drums right now. Eric can do anything he puts his mind and effort to. All things I love so much about him. I couldn't imagine having any other man by my side through this time. Through the cancer diagnosis. Through the treatment. Knowing it will come back. He is here by my side and he's not leaving. He's sticking to the "in sickness and in health, oil death do us part".
4th of July
Eric is a genuine, loving, funny, passionate, caring man. Anybody who meets him needs to take the time to get to know him. He is a wealth of knowledge and plain amazing to be around. And he cares and protects his loved ones like a lion protecting his family.
A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
No comments:
Post a Comment