Reflection

Cheers!

Today, or tonight, is New Years Eve. Right now there is about 30 more minutes left in 2016 before the clock strikes midnight and January 1, 2017 arrives. I sit here, in bed, snuggled up under warm blankets while both of my guys are asleep. Eric next to me and Brandon n his newly "remodeled" crib. We made his crib into a toddler bed tonight in the hopes that he will stay in bed and he won't cry so much. That boy. When we would put him in his crib he would keep crying. There was no stopping. No tiring himself out. No nothing. Once we made his toddler bed, he was crawling in and out of it. Walking around on it. And right now? So far so good. He's been asleep in it for about 45 minutes now. I did have to cuddle him to get him to sleep, but I will cuddle him as long as he lets me and then place him in his bed.

Toddler bed

A LOT happened in 2016. Lots of firsts for Brandon. Everything really. He started off 2016 at 3 months old. So we had his first foods, his first teeth, first holidays,  first time he sat on his own, first time he scooted or "inched" his way across the floor, then it turned into a crawl, first time he pulled himself up. That I remember plain as day because it was right before we went to Stanford for the first phase of my transplant. The first time he stood on his own, first time he walked along the furniture, his first word/words, his first steps (which happened to be on my birthday). Brandon has brought so much joy into our lives, but as most baby's or children do, a lot of frustration too. Mainly from the teething he is going through. It's really rough on him. He does not tolerate pain at all. He's not "thick skinned" like his mama. Poor guy is having a really rough time. He even had his first ER trip at Thanksgiving. He had a nasty head cold bug that would not go away and we wanted to make sure he didn't need any antibiotics or didn't have anything worse. Luckily it was a common cold and we were to keep doing what we were doing. And now, we end 2016 with him asleep in his toddler bed. Last year was so much different as I was up with him at this time cuddling away. Now, he's asleep, which he desperately needs.

Wired little guy!

Eric continued working at CostCo and being a caretaker for me. I tried really hard to not put too much on him because he can get overwhelmed when he has too much on his plate. One thing that actually helped destress both of us were our continued weekly (ok, a few times a week) trips to Target. I know, that's a "moms" place to go to escape the kids and family. Honestly, I love going with Eric. We started going when Brandon was born to just walk around and browse and we still do that now. Actually, we had one last trip to Target tonight for a few items. Eric really stepped up in his caretaker role when I had my transplant in June. Really, it started in May since I had to undergo high doses of chemo and get my port put in. Because of the port, I couldn't pick up Brandon for about a week. I had to have people hand him to me.

It's dark but it's my little family!

2016 started with me continuing weekly chemotherapy through April. In March we went to Stanford for my consult with Dr. W there. My Stanford/transplant Oncologist. He and the nurse assigned to us let us know what was going to go on and that I needed to do a few tests at Kaiser before my transplant process started. As May came closer, I had so many emotions running through me. I was scared, excited and hopeful among a few of them. Mainly scared because I had no idea what to expect. I had heard so many horror stories of things going wrong for people with their transplants, but hopeful because of the few positive stories. I lost my hair exactly 2 weeks after I had the high dose of chemo for a day the beginning of May. Actually, it started to come out in chunks the day after my stem cells were harvested. I remember being in the shower before we left to come home and had chunks coming out while washing my hair. Then, the whole way home I had chunks coming out. So I told Eric we needed to shave my hair when we got home. And that we did. June 1 we were back at Stanford to start getting ready for my transplant on June 6. Now I was getting really nervous. I had 2 more high doses of chemo. One was an overnight stay in the hospital and the other would be a few hours at the infusion treatment center. I was especially nervous and scared of the 2nd one. The horror stories of possibly getting mouth sores from it so I had to eat/suck on ice to freeze my mouth. I continued eating popsicles for the next 2 weeks and still ended up with a sore in my throat. I think between that and my fever are what go me hospitalized almost a week after my transplant. After my stem cells were given back to me. That I would say was the worse part of 2016 for me. Who cares about losing hair. It will grow back. Being hospitalized and away from my family really sucked. Especially Brandon. I was in no way able to care for him, but just being able to see him each day made me feel better. The hardest part was when we lost housing and Eric, Brandon and my dad had to drive back home for a few days. Having support close by helped me in the hospital, but with them away and so far away, it was tough. I did what I could to get better and hope my white blood count would come back up high enough by that Friday to go home. Luckily, it did.

Chocolate creme pie and writing

Back home I was able to be around Brandon. Just watching him play and develop made my heart happy and I believe it helped with my healing. It helped with keeping me going and doing so well so quickly. We did still have to go to Stanford 2 weeks later for a check up and then again 2 weeks after that. That second trip back is when they pulled my port out. Actually, Eric got to pull it out. Our nurse practitioner let him pull it out once she got it to a certain point. The coolest thing? We got to keep it. We have it in a bag here in our room. A souvenir of sorts I guess you can say. All summer I kept getting better and started my maintenance chemo the end of July. I opted to go back on Velcade as I know it worked for me and it wasn't another pill. So far, it's 5 months later and I am still doing well on Velcade. I went back to work in October which was an adjustment after just over a year off, but I had to go back to work and we were lucky to have the help of Eric's parents to watch Brandon while we adjusted and found a day care for him. We did find out at the last minute basically too.

There is one thing that weighs on my mind a lot though. When I had my transplant, Dr. W let me know that for 2 years after the transplant I had to be extra careful when I went out in the sun. Putting on layers and sunscreen. Wearing hats, etc. Why? Because I am susceptible to getting skin cancer now. Higher than before. Also, a lot of people who have Multiple Myeloma are not just susceptible to it coming back, but also to getting another cancer all together. Mainly, in the women especially, breast cancer. So, lately I have been worried about that. Dreading each day that I may be diagnosed with something else. I wonder "did I put on enough sun screen?" "Am I wearing enough layers?" "Is this hat brim big enough?" And then there is constantly doing self breast exams. I used to do them every day, now it's every other day. What has me especially scared is hearing that a friend who had one cancer, now has another cancer. I know they will fight hard, light they did before, but there is a long road ahead for them. And I know they know I will be right there fighting their fight with them.

Out cold!

So, in close, 2016 was full of ups and downs. Luckily there were more ups than downs. Here's to hoping I stay in complete response through the year. That no other cancers decide to show their faces (even if they do I will fight hard like I already have). And to my little family have another year of firsts and fun. If there is anything I have learned in the last year  it is that tomorrow is never guaranteed. Live your life to the fullest you can every day. Happy 2017!