Good Days & Bad Days

I've mentioned before. I have good days and I have bad days. Everybody does, but mine are a little different. Mine has to do with my compression fractures. Or, bone lesions on my lumbar and T12 spine. What is a compression fracture? Compression fracture is when one or more bones in the spine weaken or crumble. It's very common in osteoporosis. The thing is, I don't have osteoporosis, as of now at least. Mine have occurred because of Multiple Myeloma. As my doctor at Stanford explained it, my bone marrow is producing excessive amounts of "junk" protein. That "junk" protein is crowding out my bones, which is making my bones brittle and fracture. They can not be cured, but can be treated. Which, I am doing by taking extra calcium and once a month when I have chemo, I have been having an IV of Zometa to help my bones.

When I have bad days, they are BAD days. If I didn't have Brandon, the hardest thing would be taking the dog outside for a walk, but I have Brandon. And the hard thing is being able to pick him up. When I have a bad day, picking him up is hard. Very hard. Almost to the point I start to cry because I wish I didn't have that problem. He needs me. He depends on me for a lot of things right now. I usually just breath through it and deal with the pain when Eric is at work. But when it's really bad, I'll call a friend over to help. I used to have a lot of those days. But it's evident my treatment is working. Those days still happen, but are fewer and farther between.

Yesterday was a good day. A really good day. Yesterday we took Brandon to the Folsom Zoo Sanctuary with Eric's parents Bill & Judy. We walked around the place (it's not that big, but there are some hills) and I felt really good. I didn't need my cane. I did have the stroller, but didn't need it to help me walk around. After an hour at the zoo, we walked around Target for a little while. I was STILL feeling really good. Especially since I was wearing Brandon. I was carrying an extra 20 pounds basically. And I still felt good. Not only did I have all of that walking around, but last night we went on a short family walk while I was wearing Brandon again. It felt good to have that good of a day.

Now, today. Today is an ok day. I may have overdone it yesterday. I've taken my pain medication, but I still have a lingering pain in my lumbar region. Luckily, I have Eric home with me to help me. He can pick Brandon up and hand him to me. Take him from me so I can get up. I don't have to try to bend over too much to pick him up, put him down or change him.

After my transplant, I am hoping that I can work on healing/repairing my fractures. Repairing those will make things a lot better for me. Well, on my psyche at least. I feel like such a horrible mother when I can't pick up my own child. I know I'm not, it just sits there and I feel like that sometimes. I'm working on not feeling that way though. It's a work in progress.

Basically, moral of todays post, I have good days and I have bad days, physically. I've learned to ask for help and not just push through it, since that would make things worse. I look forward to the day when I am in complete response and my compression fractures can heal. Until then, I will do what I can and ask for help when I need it.