What I Miss the Most

I was thinking the other day. I was thinking of what I miss most since my diagnosis. There are a lot of things I used to do. Honestly, drinking really isn't one of them either. Yes, I love my wine, but when I was diagnosed with MM I was pregnant. So, I wasn't drinking anyway. After having Brandon, I had a few glasses or tastings every now and then. Now, I haven't drank since just over a month ago when we went to Stanford for the first time because I shouldn't right now.

What I miss the most are my workouts. I had a routine. I was consistent 5 days a week. Sometimes 6. All of that started in June 2014 after my first miscarriage. I saw my friend Karens results from Focus T25 from Beachbody. I knew her results were real because I knew her. I knew she wouldn't post a before and after picture that was doctored. So, I figured "If she can do it, I can do it". So, I contacted her. Ordered Shakeology and Focus T25. And started working out. I think the best part of it was having an accountability group. A group of other women trying to get healthy and keeping each other motivated.

There is a backstory to all of this. When I was kid, my dad and step-mom put all 4 of us in every sport we could be in. I started with t-ball, then it was on to basketball, volley tennis, and back around to softball (after t-ball). All of those sports were through the local park league. I also got into swimming. I took a few summer swim lessons and then next thing you know, I was joining the local swim team. I really took to swimming. Probably more so to any other sport I played. I was decent. I wasn't Olympic swimmer Janet Evans, Summer Sanders, Dara Torres good, but I was good enough to place in events I swam in. I was good enough to be able to join my college swim team and place in events I swam there. When I started swimming, I dropped all other sports. I focused on swimming as my extra curricular activity. I made friends. And honestly, even though I didn't go to school with my teammates and had friends outside of swimming, I was around my teammates more. It was wake up, school, come home and do some homework and then off to swim workout 5 days a week. Weekends were filled with swim meets and tournaments. Swimming was my life.

When I got into high school, I backed off on the swimming. Mainly because I didn't have time. I had started running cross country in high school since it wasn't a team sport that I had to try out for. I wasn't good at those sports anymore and my school didn't have a swim team. So, cross country it was. I hated running, but I didn't want to do regular PE in high school. When I got in a groove, I went back to swimming a little. I joined a different club team. But, I didn't feel like I fit in. It didn't have the same feel as I did on my old team. So, after a few months, I stopped swimming. It was getting to the point where I was going to be graduating high school soon and heading off to college. At that point, I would be too "old" for the club team. Also, through high school, I tried soccer outside of school. I played one season of AYSO and that was it.

Another thing my brothers and I did growing up was triathlons, kids fun runs, turkey trots, and junior lifeguards. It really started with the running races. turkey trots and fun runs. Then, eventually some 5K's. As we did those, and my dad started to get into triathlons, so did my brothers and I. We did a few sprint triathlons. One thing about those, I always placed. There wasn't many tween and teen girls who did these kinds of events. So, I would always place. At least in the triathlons. The 5K's and other runs, there were more girls my age. So, for me it was more just to do the race. And, like I mentioned before, I wasn't really a runner.

In college I ended up swimming and playing water polo for the first time. It felt good to be on a team where I was accepted even though I had never played before. But, I learned fast. I wasn't the best. I didn't try to be. But I like to think that I was good enough to be put in the game. Honestly, I wish I had found a club team when I was younger and played water polo through my adolescent and high school years. Even though my high school didn't have a team, I think it would have been good for me. But, we can't change the past and I wasn't on a water polo team until college. We, as a team, did very well in the 2 years I played. We made it all the way to State. Even if we didn't win State, we still made it that far. And I would say, that's pretty darn good.

I had the longest time between college and now that I didn't do anything. Maybe a hiking trip here and there with friends, but honestly, I started to gain weight slowly. More so once I got into my 30's. I was lazy. I really didn't do much. I would walk my dog and would try to run, but I would get winded too easily. That was, until June 2014 when I started my Beachbody workouts. I felt great after my workouts. The first week or two was tough though. I won't lie. Honestly, the first day I almost threw up before the end of my 25 minute workout. But I didn't. I finished strong, drank A LOT of water and did what I could to cool down before I had to shower and go to work. After that day, I decided that I needed to do my workouts after work. I had to make myself do them. After 2 weeks of doing Focus T25, I decided to become a Beachbody coach and ordered the Piyo workout. Piyo is a cross between pilates and yoga. I wasn't much into yoga, but I figured this I could do. And I did! I ended up doing my 10 weeks of Focus T25 and 8 weeks of Piyo together. Everyday that summer I would workout for a hour a day. 7 days a week. Yes, I had rest days. That was Sunday. But it still had a stretching disc. And stretching is important. Through that summer, I ended up losing 10 pounds and almost 20 inches total.

I was feeling really good. Not just about myself and how I looked, but also how I felt inside. I was feeling healthier. I wasn't just working out, I was feeding my body healthier foods. Yes, I would have cheat days, but it would be maybe a meal or a snack. I didn't like the way the cheat meal would make me feel. So, I tried to keep it pretty healthy. I still enjoyed a glass of wine, or 2, but would eat a well balanced meal. I also tried other workouts. I tried 21 Day Fix, P90 and also Cize.

When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't stop working out. I kept going. Yes, I had days where I was exhausted. Who knew cooking a baby could make you so tired? But, I did it. I did my usual Focus T25 and some Piyo. When Cize came out in July 2015, I started to dance myself healthy. That was, up until I was 28 weeks along and was diagnosed with MM and my doctor told me he wanted me to limit my working out to just walking. Back to the Cize workout. I took some pretty impressive videos while doing the Cize workout pregnant. I laughed at myself with everybody else. But really, working out through my pregnancy, well most of it anyway, was the best thing I could have done for myself, and Brandon. My whole pregnancy. The whole 35 weeks, I only gained 10 pounds. Most of that near the end when he was getting bigger.

After Brandon was born, I was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight by the time he was 1 week old. I was surprised, but also not. I had heard and read that working out can help you bounce back faster. It did for me. Since I had a c-section, I had to wait 6 weeks before I could do any kind of rigorous workouts again. Once my doctor cleared me, I started with Piyo. I was starting to feel good again. Good about my health. My mood was happier again. So, I started to do a few Focus T25 workouts before I was told not to and to just walk again by my oncologist Dr. H. I was bummed. My mood was back to when I couldn't workout when I was diagnosed. I do understand why he doesn't want me to workout. It has to do with my compression fractures, but I will tell you, I really miss my workouts. Right now, as my transplant gets closer, I am gaining weight again. I workout and try to eat healthy, but I miss my old workouts. The ones that really make me sweat and got me moving and helped boost my mood. I am looking forward to the day when I will be cleared to do those workouts again. Even modified. You can still get a good workout in when you modify the workouts. I did it. You sweat. You get sore. And you feel great!

So, what I miss most since my diagnosis are my workouts. Sitting around and walking a little at a time throughout the day doesn't give me that feeling I had before, but at least it is something. After my transplant, my plan is to get back into the pool first. That will be easy on my back. And I know there, in the water, I will start to feel like myself again.