It's "See You Later"

Today was a tough day. I think I held it together. It helped that I had Brandon there to hold on to. Even better would have been if Eric could have been there too. Today was the memorial service for a Fish & Wildlife warden I dispatched for, Alan Weingarten. That nasty "C" word took him. His? Skin cancer. I was shocked a few weeks ago when I heard of his passing. I had no idea he had cancer. Although, I also haven't been at work since August. I had many emotions run through me in a matter of seconds. Shock, surprise, saddness, heartbroken for his family. Why? Why does there have to be cancer?

I felt bad that I was a little late. I missed the Color Guard. The reason I was late was because I thought it was two hours later than it actually was. I had read the email wrong, but I got us there in 30 minutes safely. Of course, walking up I stood out like sore thumb. Woman walking up pushing a stroller. Because I was so late and not knowing when Brandon would wake up and if he would be crying or want to make noise, I decided to sit on the other side of everybody closer to the building. Which was perfect since Brandon woke up and needed to be changed and then fed.

When I got there, his brother was talking. Lots of emotional, funny, happy times. About growing up, the Marines, and of course being a warden. When he was done, some of the other wardens got up to say some words. All having funny stories of patrolling with Alan. Hearing all of the stories was nice. I knew him as a warden. Always willing to help. Even if it were his day off and he answered the phone when I'd call, he would take the information and call the reporting party. He's also the only officer I have ever been subpoenaed for. Most dispatchers can go their whole careers never being subpoenaed and I was. It was definitely an experience and was the first time I met Alan in person.

After the service there was a lunch of sorts. So much food. All different kinds of pasta salads, sliders, regular salad, deviled eggs, fruit platters, veggie platters, BBQ chicken, BBQ pork, cookies, cakes, jello, the list keeps going. It was way too much for me to try everything. While eating, everybody talked, caught up with people they hadn't seen in a while and reminisced about Alan. Brandon, on the other hand, was busy flirting with all the ladies. He does a good job of that too. For me, it gave me a chance to catch up with some of the wardens I haven't talked to in a while since I haven't been to work since my diagnosis. Some knew what I was going through, others didn't, so I let them know what was going on and where I am at this point in treatment. And all of them said how much they missed me. That makes a girl, or really any person, feel good. To know you are missed by those you consider your family. You, as a dispatcher, hold their lives in your hands. You are their safety net. You are supposed to help them when they are in need. These officers are my brothers, my sisters, my aunts, my uncles. They are my family. So, to know I have been missed, was nice to hear.

Here's a picture my friend Carissa's sister took of one of the wardens holding Brandon. As he was holding him, he said "Holding him makes everything alright in the world." And you know, that is very true.

Today had me thinking. Thinking of something I hadn't thought much of, but probably should now. For the "just in case". Todays memorial service was very nice and this is what I would hope would be done for me. Minus the Color Guard, but the relaxed feel and being outdoors. Family and friends gathered telling stories and sharing a BBQ. Old friends catching up after a long time apart and new friends being made. As sad as people were, I personally know that it isn't "good-bye" but is "see you later". We will see you again. Rest in peace Alan. Know you are missed but we will see you again soon.