You would think I'd be used to pain by now. I am almost 2 1/2 years into my battle with Multiple Myeloma and have dealt with back pain the whole time. Yes, I had a Vertebroplasty just over a year ago that took some of the pain away, but not all.
For the last few months (maybe 3 or so) I have had a new pain. Well, it's the same type of pain, just in a different spot. The new spot is in my hips. It started in my left hip and would come and go. But the last few days it's been constant. Now, just this weekend, it has started in my right hip also. In this hip it has been consistent. Not like the left hip where it was off and on. It has been consistent.
One thing MM does is "eat" away at your bones. That's how I got the compression fractures in my T12 and lumbar spine. I'm afraid that the MM is "Eating" away at my hips now. That scares me. Why? It means my hips would be getting fragile and could eventually break. That a wrong move could cause a bigger break than I have had in my spine. Being an almost 40 fairly active woman with a toddler, I don't want or need for my hips to break. I don't want a hip replacement. That's what would eventually happen. I would need a hip replacement. Unless there is another procedure that I don't know about yet. But from what I can tell, you break a hip and you need a replacement. I can't be out of commission for who knows how long after one, or two hip replacements.
Started writing this post last night. I wrote it on my phone. Then, I was going to write it this morning when I woke up. That's exactly what I am doing, all while my hips, both of them, are hurting. I've already taken my Morphine ER (extended release) pain medication this morning. Honestly, I have, for the last 6 months, been taking it once a day because I hadn't really been hurting. When I would wake up with pain I would then take it twice a day. But like I said, the pain has been mainly off and on. Until recently. This last week the pain has become more consistent. So, I have started back at taking my pain medication twice a day. Also, twice in the last week I have had to take my breakthrough pain medication of Dilaudid.
Maybe it's because I am back to work and moving a lot more. Maybe that is where the more pain is coming from. The fact that I am moving a lot more than usual. And honestly, I kinda hope that's it and it will go away and be normal again soon. That I will just have the typical back pain and the hip pain will go away. But I am also realistic and know that the hip pain has been there for a few months. So, yes, I'm scared. It would also mean that the MM is rearing it's ugly head again. But then my labs are looking good. I just don't know. And I am always going to worry. My life is full of worry knowing that I can not get rid of this cancer all together with a surgery like some other cancers.
Only time will tell what is going on. I have a message in to my Oncologist, Dr. H, but know that today is a holiday and so it will be another day before I hear anything from him. Ohhhhh the waiting game.
Monday, January 15, 2018
Monday, January 1, 2018
2017 In Review
Well, it's the beginning of a new year. 2017 is over and today was the first day of 2018. So much happened in 2017. I started the year working a temporary position with the Telecom unit for State Parks. It was only to last a year. It was a great spot for me to work at since I couldn't (and still can't) go back to dispatch yet. I was lucky enough to work with some amazing co-workers. Only three of us in the office on a daily basis and we had two others that would come in to help us about once or twice a week. Honestly, working with just a handful of people was amazing! Coming from working with about 10-15 people in dispatch. Most jobs have even more than that.
We started 2017 with a quick family trip to Southern California to visit my family and go to Disneyland. Brandon's first time. When we left, we left at about 4 or 5 in the morning. It was pouring down rain too. So much that it was hard to see out the windshield. We kept Brandon in his pajamas with the hopes he would just go back to sleep. Honestly, he was a great traveler. He fell back to sleep after about an hour or two on the road. Brandon started to get a little fussy about being in the car about 5 hours into the drive, but we were almost to our first destination. My great aunt Val and uncle Al's house in Northridge. It was great to see them and have them meet Brandon. My aunt Valerie and uncle Mike were there too along with my dad and brother with his family. We had lunch then everybody went their ways. Us going to Long Beach to my dads house with him. Of course, we had a stop at the beach for Brandon's first trip to the beach. He LOVED it! He kept trying to run into the water. We ended up having to take off his clothes because he was getting so wet and sitting down in the water. After we got to my dad's house we all settled in and everybody went to sleep really early. I think it was about 6:30 or 7 when we all went to bed. The next day was Disneyland. It was raining that day but it made for a great trip since there wasn't that many people at the park. Made going on the rides so much easier. We even met up with my friend Karen and her girls for a little visit and to go on some rides together before we all left for dinner. On the way back to my dad's house we stopped off at my step mom's so she could finally meet Brandon. It was a quick visit as we needed to get back to my dads house to sleep so we could wake up early to leave to go home the next day. Again, we left at 5am to miss traffic and this time Brandon was over the trip sooner than before. He was just tired of being in the car. We made it home in the early afternoon since it was raining still. All in all, our first family road trip of the year was a success!
February was uneventful until the end. We were in a car accident that ended up totaling our car. Our car we only had for less than a year. We were actually about a month shy of a year. It was a brand new teenage driver driving a friend home at night. She most likely wasn't paying attention and showing off for her friend. Which, that right there. Her driving with a friend in the car and no adult is illegal. The thing that really irked me and still does to this day is that she only got a warning. She should have lost her license. But the cop let her off. She obviously shouldn't be driving and her parents should have gotten a ticket or something too. But whatever.
The next few months went by pretty fast. We got some money from the accident and used it to have Eric's older boys come out for a month to visit. That was in June. It was so good to have them here and for them to meet Brandon in person (before it had only been on FaceTime) and they also got to celebrate my 1st REbirthday. June 6th marked one year since I got my transplant. WOOHOO!! I had been in complete response for a whole year. While the boys were here we did family pictures, went to a water park called Wake Island and to San Fransisco, Stanford and Pacifica. San Fransisco was on Fathers Day and we mainly went to Alcatraz. It was Brandon's first boat ride. He loved it. He loved watching the other boats on the water as we were on our way to Alcatraz and back to the shore. We stayed the night in Palo Alto so we were near Stanford for my 1 year follow up appointment with my transplant doctor. On that visit Dr W said everything was looking fabulous and that he didn't need to see me for a whole a year. No Stanford trip for a whole year felt amazing to hear. I love all the doctors and nurses there, but it takes up a whole day to go there and back for an hour at the Cancer Center. On the way home we hit traffic and unfortunately Eric ended up in a minor accident. To us, it was the motorcycles fault, but I guess no mater what, when a motorcycle is involved, it's the cars fault. Shitty, but nothing we can do about it. We had it taken care of. Eric ended up having to be towed home all the way from Oakland because the motorcycle popped his tire and then the spare got a flat after a short distance. Ugh! Not fun, but we all made it home. Later than we thought we would. It was bittersweet, but the boys had to go back home to Missouri just before 4th of July.
August came and Eric and I had a low key 4th wedding anniversary. We just made dinner at home and celebrated with Brandon. Then, two days later we celebrated my 39th birthday with a family and few friends dinner at The Spaghetti Factory. Since my cancer diagnosis, I want to celebrate my birthday even more, whether low key or party, because every year I am still here with this cancer, the better. The end of August brought on me stopping work for a few months due to treatment. Treatment was making me sick and we had to figure out why.
In September we celebrated Eric's birthday and that was pretty much it. It was nice to have a month where we didn't have much to do. Especially since chemo was making me sick more days than not it seemed.
October was a big month. First, Brandon turned 2. He had a little birthday party at day care where I made cupcakes for all the kids. He also got a super cool construction worker Lego set from Kourtney. He loved it! Then, my step brother Jeremy was getting married and originally we weren't going to be able to go. Then, my dad offered to pay for Brandon and myself to fly down for a few days for it. So, Brandon had his first ever plane ride. At the airport he was fine. But, it was getting on the plane that he didn't like. He had his own seat but was freaking out so much that he sat on my lap the whole flight. It was tough trying to navigate the airport in Long Beach by myself with everything I had for us. One of the pilots saw me struggling and helped me get to baggage claim. And luckily that was right next to where my dad was picking us up. We had a great trip down to Southern California again. We went to a park I grew up going to. We went to the beach again, where this time Brandon was a little more scared. Even in the bay portion of Long Beach where there were no waves. We also went to see grandma Susan (my step mom) and to the Aquarium of the Pacific. We went to Riverside to visit my brother and go swimming in his pool. And the wedding was beautiful. It was great to have all 4 of us kids together in one place again. Even if just for a night. And I have gained a new beautiful sister in law, Anna. Before we left, my friend Karen picked us up at my dads house and we went to lunch and the Lakewood mall that I grew up going to. Then, she dropped us off at the airport and helped me organize everything to make it easier to get through the airport and security. The best thing was actually wearing Brandon this time. Especially since about 10-15 minutes before we were to board he fell asleep. Making it easier to navigate getting on the plane. He slept in my arms and on my lap until about 5 minutes before we landed. When we landed and got off the plane it was great to be back with Eric. I couldn't wait to hug and kiss him. It was the first time, other than when I was hospitalized after my transplant, that we had been apart for a few days. It was hard, but also good for us I guess. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The next thing was Halloween. We all dressed up as a family of scarecrows. It was great! And everybody that saw Brandon while trick or treating thought he was the cutest.
November came and we started to have issues with Eric's car after it got fixed. So much so that it was cheaper to get a new car than it was to fix it. So, after 10 years with his little "skate", he sold it to a friend and got a new car. A 4 door Accent instead of a 2 door hatchback Accent. I was also cleared to go back to working, just not to dispatch yet. So, the return to work person is searching for a "reasonable accommodation" position for me. In my opinion, it's taking too long. But I understand it's tough to find a position. Hopefully they find something temporary at least soon. My dad also came up to visit for Thanksgiving as usual and we missed having his friend Linda here also. But she had to work. Unfortunately, on Thanksgiving day I was feeling sick from chemo the day before and my dad wasn't feeling well from something else. So, poor Eric did most of the cooking. But dinner was still great and we enjoyed having my dad here as usual.
Then came December. Christmas month. Even though I wasn't working, we still had a good month. We decided to get a real tree this year but we wanted a small one. Originally we went to Apple Hill but they wanted $90 for a cut your own tree, tree. Forget that! We found what we wanted at Lowe's that night and brought it home and got it up. Actually, that was in November. The day after Thanksgiving. We also decided to make December as festive and Christmasy as possible. So, once or twice a week we would go out and drive around looking at lights. It was great because Brandon learned to say "so pretty" and would "ooooooo" at all the lights as we would drive by looking at them. The Saturday before Christmas we went to my brother and sister in law's house and met up with my mother and father in law also and made Christmas cookies. We made A LOT of cookies. Brandon didn't want to help, so all the boys (father in law, brother in law and Brandon) all went to the park to get some energy out of Brandon. It was a great day. Christmas Eve we had a visit with my aunt Jean and then Brandon had a late nap, so we couldn't go to Mass at the Catholic church light we wanted to. Instead, Eric went to the Mass at 10pm and Brandon and I stayed home since he needed to get to bed. Christmas morning we woke up and snuggled for a little bit as a family and then went down stairs to see what Santa brought. Brandon was spoiled, again, this year. We had started shopping early in the year and ended up with a lot of stuff. All of which he loves. We went to my brother and sister in laws for Christmas dinner and more presents and it was nice to have a festive Christmas with family. Brandon didn't have day care last week as she closed for the holiday so I spent the week with him. New Years was now here. As a family we just stayed home and all of us fell asleep early as we were exhausted.
We had some good things in 2017 and some bad. The bad I am glad to leave behind. Here's to hoping 2018 is better!
We started 2017 with a quick family trip to Southern California to visit my family and go to Disneyland. Brandon's first time. When we left, we left at about 4 or 5 in the morning. It was pouring down rain too. So much that it was hard to see out the windshield. We kept Brandon in his pajamas with the hopes he would just go back to sleep. Honestly, he was a great traveler. He fell back to sleep after about an hour or two on the road. Brandon started to get a little fussy about being in the car about 5 hours into the drive, but we were almost to our first destination. My great aunt Val and uncle Al's house in Northridge. It was great to see them and have them meet Brandon. My aunt Valerie and uncle Mike were there too along with my dad and brother with his family. We had lunch then everybody went their ways. Us going to Long Beach to my dads house with him. Of course, we had a stop at the beach for Brandon's first trip to the beach. He LOVED it! He kept trying to run into the water. We ended up having to take off his clothes because he was getting so wet and sitting down in the water. After we got to my dad's house we all settled in and everybody went to sleep really early. I think it was about 6:30 or 7 when we all went to bed. The next day was Disneyland. It was raining that day but it made for a great trip since there wasn't that many people at the park. Made going on the rides so much easier. We even met up with my friend Karen and her girls for a little visit and to go on some rides together before we all left for dinner. On the way back to my dad's house we stopped off at my step mom's so she could finally meet Brandon. It was a quick visit as we needed to get back to my dads house to sleep so we could wake up early to leave to go home the next day. Again, we left at 5am to miss traffic and this time Brandon was over the trip sooner than before. He was just tired of being in the car. We made it home in the early afternoon since it was raining still. All in all, our first family road trip of the year was a success!
February was uneventful until the end. We were in a car accident that ended up totaling our car. Our car we only had for less than a year. We were actually about a month shy of a year. It was a brand new teenage driver driving a friend home at night. She most likely wasn't paying attention and showing off for her friend. Which, that right there. Her driving with a friend in the car and no adult is illegal. The thing that really irked me and still does to this day is that she only got a warning. She should have lost her license. But the cop let her off. She obviously shouldn't be driving and her parents should have gotten a ticket or something too. But whatever.
The next few months went by pretty fast. We got some money from the accident and used it to have Eric's older boys come out for a month to visit. That was in June. It was so good to have them here and for them to meet Brandon in person (before it had only been on FaceTime) and they also got to celebrate my 1st REbirthday. June 6th marked one year since I got my transplant. WOOHOO!! I had been in complete response for a whole year. While the boys were here we did family pictures, went to a water park called Wake Island and to San Fransisco, Stanford and Pacifica. San Fransisco was on Fathers Day and we mainly went to Alcatraz. It was Brandon's first boat ride. He loved it. He loved watching the other boats on the water as we were on our way to Alcatraz and back to the shore. We stayed the night in Palo Alto so we were near Stanford for my 1 year follow up appointment with my transplant doctor. On that visit Dr W said everything was looking fabulous and that he didn't need to see me for a whole a year. No Stanford trip for a whole year felt amazing to hear. I love all the doctors and nurses there, but it takes up a whole day to go there and back for an hour at the Cancer Center. On the way home we hit traffic and unfortunately Eric ended up in a minor accident. To us, it was the motorcycles fault, but I guess no mater what, when a motorcycle is involved, it's the cars fault. Shitty, but nothing we can do about it. We had it taken care of. Eric ended up having to be towed home all the way from Oakland because the motorcycle popped his tire and then the spare got a flat after a short distance. Ugh! Not fun, but we all made it home. Later than we thought we would. It was bittersweet, but the boys had to go back home to Missouri just before 4th of July.
August came and Eric and I had a low key 4th wedding anniversary. We just made dinner at home and celebrated with Brandon. Then, two days later we celebrated my 39th birthday with a family and few friends dinner at The Spaghetti Factory. Since my cancer diagnosis, I want to celebrate my birthday even more, whether low key or party, because every year I am still here with this cancer, the better. The end of August brought on me stopping work for a few months due to treatment. Treatment was making me sick and we had to figure out why.
In September we celebrated Eric's birthday and that was pretty much it. It was nice to have a month where we didn't have much to do. Especially since chemo was making me sick more days than not it seemed.
October was a big month. First, Brandon turned 2. He had a little birthday party at day care where I made cupcakes for all the kids. He also got a super cool construction worker Lego set from Kourtney. He loved it! Then, my step brother Jeremy was getting married and originally we weren't going to be able to go. Then, my dad offered to pay for Brandon and myself to fly down for a few days for it. So, Brandon had his first ever plane ride. At the airport he was fine. But, it was getting on the plane that he didn't like. He had his own seat but was freaking out so much that he sat on my lap the whole flight. It was tough trying to navigate the airport in Long Beach by myself with everything I had for us. One of the pilots saw me struggling and helped me get to baggage claim. And luckily that was right next to where my dad was picking us up. We had a great trip down to Southern California again. We went to a park I grew up going to. We went to the beach again, where this time Brandon was a little more scared. Even in the bay portion of Long Beach where there were no waves. We also went to see grandma Susan (my step mom) and to the Aquarium of the Pacific. We went to Riverside to visit my brother and go swimming in his pool. And the wedding was beautiful. It was great to have all 4 of us kids together in one place again. Even if just for a night. And I have gained a new beautiful sister in law, Anna. Before we left, my friend Karen picked us up at my dads house and we went to lunch and the Lakewood mall that I grew up going to. Then, she dropped us off at the airport and helped me organize everything to make it easier to get through the airport and security. The best thing was actually wearing Brandon this time. Especially since about 10-15 minutes before we were to board he fell asleep. Making it easier to navigate getting on the plane. He slept in my arms and on my lap until about 5 minutes before we landed. When we landed and got off the plane it was great to be back with Eric. I couldn't wait to hug and kiss him. It was the first time, other than when I was hospitalized after my transplant, that we had been apart for a few days. It was hard, but also good for us I guess. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The next thing was Halloween. We all dressed up as a family of scarecrows. It was great! And everybody that saw Brandon while trick or treating thought he was the cutest.
November came and we started to have issues with Eric's car after it got fixed. So much so that it was cheaper to get a new car than it was to fix it. So, after 10 years with his little "skate", he sold it to a friend and got a new car. A 4 door Accent instead of a 2 door hatchback Accent. I was also cleared to go back to working, just not to dispatch yet. So, the return to work person is searching for a "reasonable accommodation" position for me. In my opinion, it's taking too long. But I understand it's tough to find a position. Hopefully they find something temporary at least soon. My dad also came up to visit for Thanksgiving as usual and we missed having his friend Linda here also. But she had to work. Unfortunately, on Thanksgiving day I was feeling sick from chemo the day before and my dad wasn't feeling well from something else. So, poor Eric did most of the cooking. But dinner was still great and we enjoyed having my dad here as usual.
Then came December. Christmas month. Even though I wasn't working, we still had a good month. We decided to get a real tree this year but we wanted a small one. Originally we went to Apple Hill but they wanted $90 for a cut your own tree, tree. Forget that! We found what we wanted at Lowe's that night and brought it home and got it up. Actually, that was in November. The day after Thanksgiving. We also decided to make December as festive and Christmasy as possible. So, once or twice a week we would go out and drive around looking at lights. It was great because Brandon learned to say "so pretty" and would "ooooooo" at all the lights as we would drive by looking at them. The Saturday before Christmas we went to my brother and sister in law's house and met up with my mother and father in law also and made Christmas cookies. We made A LOT of cookies. Brandon didn't want to help, so all the boys (father in law, brother in law and Brandon) all went to the park to get some energy out of Brandon. It was a great day. Christmas Eve we had a visit with my aunt Jean and then Brandon had a late nap, so we couldn't go to Mass at the Catholic church light we wanted to. Instead, Eric went to the Mass at 10pm and Brandon and I stayed home since he needed to get to bed. Christmas morning we woke up and snuggled for a little bit as a family and then went down stairs to see what Santa brought. Brandon was spoiled, again, this year. We had started shopping early in the year and ended up with a lot of stuff. All of which he loves. We went to my brother and sister in laws for Christmas dinner and more presents and it was nice to have a festive Christmas with family. Brandon didn't have day care last week as she closed for the holiday so I spent the week with him. New Years was now here. As a family we just stayed home and all of us fell asleep early as we were exhausted.
We had some good things in 2017 and some bad. The bad I am glad to leave behind. Here's to hoping 2018 is better!
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