Vacation

Wow! That was fast! The last few days we took a mini fast whirlwind vacation to Southern California to see some of my family and go to Disneyland. It started on Sunday morning at 5am when we left rainy Northern California (it was dropping buckets as we left) to drive to sunny (for that day) Southern California. We went from rain and 50* weather to sun and 70* weather. It was nice. The weather made it so we could go to the beach also.

This trip was full of firsts for Brandon. First thing was that we stopped in Northridge to visit with my great aunt Val, Brandon's great great aunt, who will be 102 this year. He also got to meet my aunt Valerie, his great aunt Valerie. It's kind of cool we both have a great aunt Val. Too bad we didn't get any pictures of them all together. After lunch we all left and my dad, Linda and us went to Long Beach to the beach by our junior lifeguard area. This was Brandon's first time at the beach and it was a hit and success. I definitely have a water baby. He kept trying to run back into the water. That boy had no fear of the water. He got drenched in his overalls, so we took those off and he ran around in a diaper and t-shirt. It really wasn't too cold out. And if it were, he really didn't care. His diaper ended up being filled with sand from the water. So we had to give him a little shower and then warmed him up in the car. We had been waiting for so long to take him to the beach and I am so glad we finally did. After the beach, we went back to my dads house and got situated. Brandon had a warm bath and we all got in comfy clothes and settled in for the night. Actually, we all fell asleep around 6:30pm or so. It goes to show just how much traveling takes it out of you.

The next morning we all woke up to get ready for Disneyland. Another first for Brandon. We weren't sure how he was going to react to it but we were hoping for excitement. Which we got. He was full of giggles and laughs just waiting for the tram. Could have been from getting enough sleep too, but I would like to think it was from the excitement of something new. And the Happiest Place On Earth. The weather ended up being perfect. It rained overnight and a little that morning, but it ended up being a cool and cloudy day. Brandon seemed to love the rides we went on. First up was Snow White and he was looking all over the place at all of the decorations and everything. One of the last rides we went on with him was Pirates of the Caribbean and he reacted the same way. Just taking it all in. Eric was wondering if he was going to end up having nightmares from it, but it didn't seem like it. Our adventurous kid we have there. We met up with my friend Karen and her daughters after Pirates. We walked over to California Adventure and went on a few rides there with them. Karen and I took a picture together and here's where you can see just how much my back has been affected by Multiple Myeloma. If you look close at the picture and take away the mouse ears, I am shorter than Karen in the picture. We used to be the same height. Now, there is a huge difference. I'm much shorter than her now.

 I'm much shorter than Karen now

After the last right, California Screaming, we parted ways. Karen and her girls went on Soaring Over the World and we left to go to Downtown Disney to do a little shopping and eat dinner. It was about 6:00pm at this point and the parks closed at 8pm and 9pm. We shopped for about an hour and then walked to the restaurant for dinner. Brandon took a nap through all of the shopping and woke up for the walk to dinner. Dinner wasn't a long wait at all. We got our table pretty fast. We all ordered and had Brandon's meal come early. He started to eat on his own and even though I cut a few small pieces of his burrito for him, he grabbed the big piece and started to eat it. He was so happy he was eating it all by himself.

After dinner we went to the Lego store and Eric got a Lego Star Wars character to go with the other one we got at the Disney Store. After that we walked to the tram to catch it to the parking structure to leave. I had decided, once we were at the car, I was going to see if my step mom was available and we would stop by to see her so she could finally meet Brandon. I got a text from her before I could send anything and set up the visit that way. We got there at about a quarter after 9pm and we visit and she got to play with Brandon for a while. We unfortunately had to cut it short since I had to be up early to get on the road this morning at 5am to drive home.

The drive was a lot longer going home. The reason was because Brandon wasn't comfortable in his carseat for the long trip home. So, we made more stops. Then, just south of Sacramento it started to rain. That helped add some time to the trip, but Brandon was asleep at this point. We got home about 12:30pm and spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing.

This was a much deserved and needed vacation after just over a year of medical appointments every week and the transplant. We could probably use a much longer one, but that will come at another time when we have more time saved up for vacations at both of our jobs.

Scare

Recently we had a scare. really bad scare. But let's go back some. You see, Multiple Myeloma is no joke. It's one cancer that is not curable, yet. Doctors and researchers are working diligently on finding a cure though. Of course, leave it to me to get a difficult one.

So, Monday I went to Kaiser to do my labs since I have chemo tomorrow. I always have to go have labs done either Monday or Tuesday before I have chemo on Wednesday. It's so the nurses/pharmacists know how much to give me. So, I went to the lab to have mine done. Also, I was due for a new pain medication prescription. I forgot I had to refill it and it was really too  close. I ended up having withdrawal feelings. In short, I was weak, feeling "blah" and it was hard to even "mom", but I got through it all. The hard part about withdrawal is the restless legs. I could not get to sleep last night so I took another medication that is supposed to be for nausea, but it also works as a sleeping pill/muscle relaxer. Ativan. I took that when Eric got home and he was able to take care of Brandon while I got knocked out and didn't have to worry about the restless legs. Eric takes such good care of me. Makes me love him that much more. I didn't know I could love him any more, then he does something that makes my heart skip a beat and smile. He is my soul mate.

Ok, back to my labs. Almost immediately the results were coming in from my labs. Most everything was coming back in normal range. No big deal. Then I looked at my WBC (White Blood Count) and it was low. The lowest for standard range is 3 and I am at 3.1 this week. That's down from around 5 two weeks before. Then I looked at the red blood and it stayed the same. But, my platelets came back really low. Two weeks ago they were at a hearty standard range at 182, this week they dropped out of standard range to 99. Talking to Eric, that's something that happens when the nasty junk protein is taking over. We still had to wait until the cancer protein lab came back, which wasn't going to be until today (Tuesday) sometime. Everything else goes really fast, that one takes a little longer. It was a nerve-racking night. That, on top of restless leg from withdrawals. It wasn't fun at all.

Late this morning that cancer protein lab came back, finally. When I saw it I burst into tears and my heart sunk. I couldn't move for a few minutes and was trying to grasp what I was reading. The cancer protein shot WAY up. Outside of normal range. I'm not going to lie, I was debilitated. I felt like I couldn't do anything. And all I could think of was why? Why me? Why now? It's only been almost 7 months since my transient. Why can't I have a break? Once I was finally able to, I climbed the stairs to our bedroom where Eric was sleeping to let him know what I got back. I was home from work today since I took that Ativan around 1am and it was going to knock me out for a long time. Better to be well rested than not at all. Ok, back on track. Eric was waking up and I told him and showed him what was going on. He asked if I had heard from Dr. H yet and I told him no but it was lunch time too. We decided to get up and get ready for the day and go get my prescription and hoped to be able to talk to Dr. H about it. Like if I should have another lab drawn or not.

When we got to Kaiser there was no prescription for me to take down but Jo went to find Kellie for us. Should couldn't find her but left a message for her and we waited. We waited all of about 2 minutes, if that. She came out and talked to us and we told her what was going on. She gave both of us hugs, long hugs. The hugs we both needed. She said that Dr. H wasn't there but he had talked to her this morning about it. About my labs. So, she knew what we were talking about. She assured us that he's thinking about it and watching the labs also and he's not far away. Finally, while down in the pharmacy waiting for my prescriptions (which I sat there for just over an hour for them...yikes!), I got an e-mail from Dt. H. Basically, he said there is nothing to worry about. This happens sometimes. What we need to be concerned for is if it goes up and stays up consistently. He reminded us in the e-mail that he warned/told us this could happen. Once he told me that in the e-mail, I remembered back to the first few appointments when he mentioned it.

I think between being emotional in general lately, having withdrawal symptoms from no more (my bad) pain prescription and all made my brain jelly and not able to think rationally. Dr. H's e-mail helped calm me down. And then our little shopping trip to wander at Target and get milk for Brandon helped too. I am so thankful that I have such an amazing oncologist and nurse. Ones that make us feel like family. My cancer isn't my oncologists specialty, but he took us for a reason. His wife was pregnant at the same time I was and I think he felt a connection there. He wanted to do all he could to help this mommy be there for her baby. He knew he had colleagues that he could go to that knew more about MM than he does. But he's said that he's learned a lot in the last almost 1 1/2 years with us.

So, I have my prescription in me. My pain med of Morphine ER (extended release) and I am feeling high. I've never felt like this. Crazy how going without for a day or two can do so much to a persons body and mind. It's a reason I want to get off it, but I have to wean off right. Not just cut it cold turkey. It's now making me tired and I have to be up early to get ready for work and chemo. Thank you everybody for reading. I know sometimes I ramble, or may not make sense, but writing helps me let you know what is going on without telling 50 people the same thing over and over again. That would old. So, Thank you!

Reflection

Cheers!

Today, or tonight, is New Years Eve. Right now there is about 30 more minutes left in 2016 before the clock strikes midnight and January 1, 2017 arrives. I sit here, in bed, snuggled up under warm blankets while both of my guys are asleep. Eric next to me and Brandon n his newly "remodeled" crib. We made his crib into a toddler bed tonight in the hopes that he will stay in bed and he won't cry so much. That boy. When we would put him in his crib he would keep crying. There was no stopping. No tiring himself out. No nothing. Once we made his toddler bed, he was crawling in and out of it. Walking around on it. And right now? So far so good. He's been asleep in it for about 45 minutes now. I did have to cuddle him to get him to sleep, but I will cuddle him as long as he lets me and then place him in his bed.

Toddler bed

A LOT happened in 2016. Lots of firsts for Brandon. Everything really. He started off 2016 at 3 months old. So we had his first foods, his first teeth, first holidays,  first time he sat on his own, first time he scooted or "inched" his way across the floor, then it turned into a crawl, first time he pulled himself up. That I remember plain as day because it was right before we went to Stanford for the first phase of my transplant. The first time he stood on his own, first time he walked along the furniture, his first word/words, his first steps (which happened to be on my birthday). Brandon has brought so much joy into our lives, but as most baby's or children do, a lot of frustration too. Mainly from the teething he is going through. It's really rough on him. He does not tolerate pain at all. He's not "thick skinned" like his mama. Poor guy is having a really rough time. He even had his first ER trip at Thanksgiving. He had a nasty head cold bug that would not go away and we wanted to make sure he didn't need any antibiotics or didn't have anything worse. Luckily it was a common cold and we were to keep doing what we were doing. And now, we end 2016 with him asleep in his toddler bed. Last year was so much different as I was up with him at this time cuddling away. Now, he's asleep, which he desperately needs.

Wired little guy!

Eric continued working at CostCo and being a caretaker for me. I tried really hard to not put too much on him because he can get overwhelmed when he has too much on his plate. One thing that actually helped destress both of us were our continued weekly (ok, a few times a week) trips to Target. I know, that's a "moms" place to go to escape the kids and family. Honestly, I love going with Eric. We started going when Brandon was born to just walk around and browse and we still do that now. Actually, we had one last trip to Target tonight for a few items. Eric really stepped up in his caretaker role when I had my transplant in June. Really, it started in May since I had to undergo high doses of chemo and get my port put in. Because of the port, I couldn't pick up Brandon for about a week. I had to have people hand him to me.

It's dark but it's my little family!

2016 started with me continuing weekly chemotherapy through April. In March we went to Stanford for my consult with Dr. W there. My Stanford/transplant Oncologist. He and the nurse assigned to us let us know what was going to go on and that I needed to do a few tests at Kaiser before my transplant process started. As May came closer, I had so many emotions running through me. I was scared, excited and hopeful among a few of them. Mainly scared because I had no idea what to expect. I had heard so many horror stories of things going wrong for people with their transplants, but hopeful because of the few positive stories. I lost my hair exactly 2 weeks after I had the high dose of chemo for a day the beginning of May. Actually, it started to come out in chunks the day after my stem cells were harvested. I remember being in the shower before we left to come home and had chunks coming out while washing my hair. Then, the whole way home I had chunks coming out. So I told Eric we needed to shave my hair when we got home. And that we did. June 1 we were back at Stanford to start getting ready for my transplant on June 6. Now I was getting really nervous. I had 2 more high doses of chemo. One was an overnight stay in the hospital and the other would be a few hours at the infusion treatment center. I was especially nervous and scared of the 2nd one. The horror stories of possibly getting mouth sores from it so I had to eat/suck on ice to freeze my mouth. I continued eating popsicles for the next 2 weeks and still ended up with a sore in my throat. I think between that and my fever are what go me hospitalized almost a week after my transplant. After my stem cells were given back to me. That I would say was the worse part of 2016 for me. Who cares about losing hair. It will grow back. Being hospitalized and away from my family really sucked. Especially Brandon. I was in no way able to care for him, but just being able to see him each day made me feel better. The hardest part was when we lost housing and Eric, Brandon and my dad had to drive back home for a few days. Having support close by helped me in the hospital, but with them away and so far away, it was tough. I did what I could to get better and hope my white blood count would come back up high enough by that Friday to go home. Luckily, it did.

Chocolate creme pie and writing

Back home I was able to be around Brandon. Just watching him play and develop made my heart happy and I believe it helped with my healing. It helped with keeping me going and doing so well so quickly. We did still have to go to Stanford 2 weeks later for a check up and then again 2 weeks after that. That second trip back is when they pulled my port out. Actually, Eric got to pull it out. Our nurse practitioner let him pull it out once she got it to a certain point. The coolest thing? We got to keep it. We have it in a bag here in our room. A souvenir of sorts I guess you can say. All summer I kept getting better and started my maintenance chemo the end of July. I opted to go back on Velcade as I know it worked for me and it wasn't another pill. So far, it's 5 months later and I am still doing well on Velcade. I went back to work in October which was an adjustment after just over a year off, but I had to go back to work and we were lucky to have the help of Eric's parents to watch Brandon while we adjusted and found a day care for him. We did find out at the last minute basically too.

There is one thing that weighs on my mind a lot though. When I had my transplant, Dr. W let me know that for 2 years after the transplant I had to be extra careful when I went out in the sun. Putting on layers and sunscreen. Wearing hats, etc. Why? Because I am susceptible to getting skin cancer now. Higher than before. Also, a lot of people who have Multiple Myeloma are not just susceptible to it coming back, but also to getting another cancer all together. Mainly, in the women especially, breast cancer. So, lately I have been worried about that. Dreading each day that I may be diagnosed with something else. I wonder "did I put on enough sun screen?" "Am I wearing enough layers?" "Is this hat brim big enough?" And then there is constantly doing self breast exams. I used to do them every day, now it's every other day. What has me especially scared is hearing that a friend who had one cancer, now has another cancer. I know they will fight hard, light they did before, but there is a long road ahead for them. And I know they know I will be right there fighting their fight with them.

Out cold!

So, in close, 2016 was full of ups and downs. Luckily there were more ups than downs. Here's to hoping I stay in complete response through the year. That no other cancers decide to show their faces (even if they do I will fight hard like I already have). And to my little family have another year of firsts and fun. If there is anything I have learned in the last year  it is that tomorrow is never guaranteed. Live your life to the fullest you can every day. Happy 2017!