Workouts & Hair Do's

This past week I started to do something I used to do six days a week for over a year. Something that helped me get healthier and I think helped me get pregnant and stay pregnant. Last Monday I started to workout again. It started off as a way to hopefully get rid of a migraine, and ended up being something I have kept up with all week.

Monday, Workout 1

What I did was pushed play on the workout that got me started to getting healthy again. A Beachbody workout Focus T25. My favorite workout from the Beachbody list. I did this workout four times before I was told to not workout other than walking due to my compression fractures. I did the modified version during pregnancy even. Now, I am doing the modified version as well. Keeping in mind that I do still have compression fractures, the modified version is basically no jumping. You still get a great workout too. Believe me, I sweat like a pig. I even thought he AB workout was going to be hard since there is a spot on my back where the cement sticks out. It's like a small hump. It makes it hard to lay down on my back on the ground. Well, the AB workout was just fine. Actually, I was able to lay down with no problems. Of course, getting up takes me a little longer than a normal person though, but I was able to lay down.

Friday, Workout 5 & 6 (Double Day)

When I decided to workout again, I didn't decide to do Focus T25. I actually picked a different workout. Piyo. I thought that one would be better. That is was no impact and it would help me with stretching. So, I did the Piyo Align workout. Basically the workout shows you the moves you will be doing through the rest of the workouts. I did it and afterwards I felt like I needed more. That's when I decided to do Focus T25. I knew I would feel like I had a workout afterwards. And I know I need the stretching, but there is a stretch workout with Focus T25 that I will be doing tomorrow. Eventually I will do Piyo, but for now I need to do the more intense but modified workout.

Another thing I did this week was tried to do something different with my hair. As I have mentioned, my hair is growing back curly. I have the chemo curl as they call it. After what I did with my hair, I have to say I love my curly hair more. My hair has always been straight. It was tough to curl my hair even with a curling iron. I would have to use a lot of hairspray and other product to keep it curled. After I lost my hair to chemo, Eric and I wondered how it would come back. If it'd be a different color, curly or not, etc. Well, my hair is coming back the same color. Dark brown...with some grey and it is coming back curly. I have always wanted curly hair. And now I have it.

Straight Hair

Well, last night I decided to try something. I've done it before, but my hair was too short to do it and it turned out weird looking. Last night I used my hair drier and straightener for the first time in over a year. First I got my hair wet. Then, I used the drier to dry my hair. Next, I used the straightener to style it. When done, it looked good, but I honestly love my curly hair so much. Not just because I have always wanted curly hair, but because it is so much easier to manage and do when curly. It took me an hour to dry and straighten my hair. And it's short and it took that long. If I leave it curly, all I have to do is put some gel in my wet hair, style and go. Takes me all of five minutes after I shower.

So, after a day with straight hair again, I went back to the curly hair and I feel so much better. Along with my workouts, I'm feeling better about things. OH! And something I've noticed since working out is that I haven't had any back pain. Before I was working out I had back pain that was tough to deal with. But the last week I haven't had any pain and I was even able to keep playing with Brandon today. I was running around the living room and getting on the floor and playing with him. It made me feel good that I could do that. Instead of sitting on the couch or my chair all the time. So, since my last post, I am feeling much better about things. About myself and my MM. I plan on being around for a long time. I plan on seeing Brandon go to school, graduate college and even get married and have kids of his own. I WILL be there for it all!

Bonus Picture From Today

Sad Feelings

Recently I have been having negative thoughts. Thoughts of what happens if my cancer comes back aggressive and nothing works to help knock it back down. Thoughts of what Eric and Brandon would do. How they would live without me. I picture Brandon not being able to go to his day care anymore. I picture Eric having to move closer to his parents as they would probably help with taking care of Brandon. I picture Brandon having a life without his mommy he loves so much and not understanding, at first, why she left him. All of this makes me sad and I cry. So, lately, about the last 4 days or so, I have been doing a lot of watching Brandon and his movements. His personality. How he's growing. I want to memorize it all. Everything about him and everything about Eric.

I am nowhere near leaving them. In fact, I am doing really well. My cancer is under control. Krissy, 1; Multiple Myeloma, 0. But knowing that, doesn't stop the negative thoughts every now and then. First thing that got my thoughts going was hearing on a support page on Facebook of a fellow MM warrior losing her battle this week. She was only 31. Can you believe that? MM took a 31 year old. That's young in MM world. I've stated when I first started this blog that the typical patient diagnosed with MM is in their 60's and older and is male. Not a 31 year old female. I was heartbroken. Wondering how her family is dealing with it. Did she have children? A husband? How did it come on so fast and hard to take her now? At the young age of 31? And it made me start to think the negative thoughts.

The next thing that happened was I got a letter/card in the mail. It was from something for my mortgage company. Basically, it said something to the affect of "Is your family safe in the event you die?" It's a little card I fill out to get information on what to do to make sure my family doesn't have to deal with my debt of the mortgage. So they can stay in the house and not have to worry. Even though that is a smart and responsible thing, me having MM and knowing it's not curable and I will most likely die from it one day. So that card in the mail hit me hard. And I got scared and cried. It's not like the mortgage company knows what's going on in my life. How could they? I don't tell them anything about my health. They don't need to know.

The last thing that hit me was so simple. I was watching NCIS season 14 on Netflix while Brandon napped. An episode came on  where Gibbs was visiting a friend in the hospital. A young girl who was diagnosed with stage 4 aggressive Ovarian cancer. All treatments weren't working anymore. She was dieing. It hit close to home because of other people in the support groups I'm in have been talking about how they have no more options because treatment is not working anymore. Nothing. No combination. Mine is still working for me. So, I am ok, but I still can't help the negative thoughts coming into my mind.

I know none of this is me. All the thoughts. I am doing amazingly. But I can't seem to help the thoughts that come into my mind. All I can think of to do is to just keep moving on. Keep doing what I'm doing. Keep watching Eric and Brandon and memorizing them. I want to remember so much in the case my mind and body decide to shut down. But I am also going to keep fighting. Eric and Brandon need me to fight. I need me to fight.