Scare

Recently we had a scare. really bad scare. But let's go back some. You see, Multiple Myeloma is no joke. It's one cancer that is not curable, yet. Doctors and researchers are working diligently on finding a cure though. Of course, leave it to me to get a difficult one.

So, Monday I went to Kaiser to do my labs since I have chemo tomorrow. I always have to go have labs done either Monday or Tuesday before I have chemo on Wednesday. It's so the nurses/pharmacists know how much to give me. So, I went to the lab to have mine done. Also, I was due for a new pain medication prescription. I forgot I had to refill it and it was really too  close. I ended up having withdrawal feelings. In short, I was weak, feeling "blah" and it was hard to even "mom", but I got through it all. The hard part about withdrawal is the restless legs. I could not get to sleep last night so I took another medication that is supposed to be for nausea, but it also works as a sleeping pill/muscle relaxer. Ativan. I took that when Eric got home and he was able to take care of Brandon while I got knocked out and didn't have to worry about the restless legs. Eric takes such good care of me. Makes me love him that much more. I didn't know I could love him any more, then he does something that makes my heart skip a beat and smile. He is my soul mate.

Ok, back to my labs. Almost immediately the results were coming in from my labs. Most everything was coming back in normal range. No big deal. Then I looked at my WBC (White Blood Count) and it was low. The lowest for standard range is 3 and I am at 3.1 this week. That's down from around 5 two weeks before. Then I looked at the red blood and it stayed the same. But, my platelets came back really low. Two weeks ago they were at a hearty standard range at 182, this week they dropped out of standard range to 99. Talking to Eric, that's something that happens when the nasty junk protein is taking over. We still had to wait until the cancer protein lab came back, which wasn't going to be until today (Tuesday) sometime. Everything else goes really fast, that one takes a little longer. It was a nerve-racking night. That, on top of restless leg from withdrawals. It wasn't fun at all.

Late this morning that cancer protein lab came back, finally. When I saw it I burst into tears and my heart sunk. I couldn't move for a few minutes and was trying to grasp what I was reading. The cancer protein shot WAY up. Outside of normal range. I'm not going to lie, I was debilitated. I felt like I couldn't do anything. And all I could think of was why? Why me? Why now? It's only been almost 7 months since my transient. Why can't I have a break? Once I was finally able to, I climbed the stairs to our bedroom where Eric was sleeping to let him know what I got back. I was home from work today since I took that Ativan around 1am and it was going to knock me out for a long time. Better to be well rested than not at all. Ok, back on track. Eric was waking up and I told him and showed him what was going on. He asked if I had heard from Dr. H yet and I told him no but it was lunch time too. We decided to get up and get ready for the day and go get my prescription and hoped to be able to talk to Dr. H about it. Like if I should have another lab drawn or not.

When we got to Kaiser there was no prescription for me to take down but Jo went to find Kellie for us. Should couldn't find her but left a message for her and we waited. We waited all of about 2 minutes, if that. She came out and talked to us and we told her what was going on. She gave both of us hugs, long hugs. The hugs we both needed. She said that Dr. H wasn't there but he had talked to her this morning about it. About my labs. So, she knew what we were talking about. She assured us that he's thinking about it and watching the labs also and he's not far away. Finally, while down in the pharmacy waiting for my prescriptions (which I sat there for just over an hour for them...yikes!), I got an e-mail from Dt. H. Basically, he said there is nothing to worry about. This happens sometimes. What we need to be concerned for is if it goes up and stays up consistently. He reminded us in the e-mail that he warned/told us this could happen. Once he told me that in the e-mail, I remembered back to the first few appointments when he mentioned it.

I think between being emotional in general lately, having withdrawal symptoms from no more (my bad) pain prescription and all made my brain jelly and not able to think rationally. Dr. H's e-mail helped calm me down. And then our little shopping trip to wander at Target and get milk for Brandon helped too. I am so thankful that I have such an amazing oncologist and nurse. Ones that make us feel like family. My cancer isn't my oncologists specialty, but he took us for a reason. His wife was pregnant at the same time I was and I think he felt a connection there. He wanted to do all he could to help this mommy be there for her baby. He knew he had colleagues that he could go to that knew more about MM than he does. But he's said that he's learned a lot in the last almost 1 1/2 years with us.

So, I have my prescription in me. My pain med of Morphine ER (extended release) and I am feeling high. I've never felt like this. Crazy how going without for a day or two can do so much to a persons body and mind. It's a reason I want to get off it, but I have to wean off right. Not just cut it cold turkey. It's now making me tired and I have to be up early to get ready for work and chemo. Thank you everybody for reading. I know sometimes I ramble, or may not make sense, but writing helps me let you know what is going on without telling 50 people the same thing over and over again. That would old. So, Thank you!