Last week, after meeting with our medical social worker at Kaiser, we decided to do the research and book our hotel for our stays at Stanford. Doing the research, we found the cheapest to be a Residence Inn by Marriott that was only 6 miles from the hospital. While it was the cheapest, it was still very high. After suggestions from several people before we booked anything and after we did, our friend Jen helped us set up a Go Fund Me to assist in the lodging. We didn't want to, but we knew we would not be able to do this on our own.
Since Friday evening when it the page was set up, we have raised over $1400 of the $15,000 we put as the goal. We put that amount because Go Fund Me takes a percentage of each donation. We have been overwhelmed by all the help from our family and friends. Everything from donating, sharing, reaching out to friends for assistance with housing while we are at Stanford. It's amazing to see the support. Not just in forms of money, but the prayers and well wishes too. From people we have never met. Simply overwhelming. And we thank every single one of you who have done what you can to help.
This morning, while on my way to Kaiser, our medical social worker from Stanford called (before I could call her) to talk about housing. Of course, this was a welcoming call with the stress of trying to figure something out that was cheaper than what we already booked. I explained to her the dilemma we had and how we set up a Go Fund Me due to the high cost of any lodging around Stanford. That it was WAY out of our budget. She then explained to me about an agreement Stanford has with a property management company in the area around Stanford. I knew about it before, but when I looked at the properties, there were no vacancies for the time we needed. I told her that. That was when she told me they had studios set aside for Stanford patients and asked if we wanted her to put in the request for one. Of course, I jumped at that. Since all the rooms or anything else around were around $300 or more a night and these studios are $129/night. Plus, they bill directly to Kaiser and then to us for the remainder. A MUCH better deal.
These studios are fully furnished with a bed, fold out couch and a rollaway bed. They have a fully stocked (not food) kitchen, bathroom and if I remember correctly, linens also. Originally we wanted to have a 1 bedroom, but at this point, at this price, we will take it.
To everybody who has helped out and donated money, THANK YOU!! We can not express how much we appreciate your donations. If we could give it back, we would. But Go Fund Me takes a percentage and I have not found a way to give it back to you. We will put it aside to help with something in this regards at a later time. Either way, it will go towards what we and you intended when you donated. The Go Fund Me was the last thing we wanted to do. And I know we will never be able to tell you exactly how grateful we are. And, to everybody who helped out by sharing, asking friends for information or seeing if family or friends had a place for us to stay, THANK YOU also from the bottom of our hearts. It is much appreciated and not forgotten. We love all of you!
Monday, April 11, 2016
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Rain
Rain. What do you think about rain? It's wet? It ruins my hair? It puts water spots on my car? It makes me sad? It makes me happy? It's soothing? It's relaxing? What is your opinion? Love it or hate it? Me? I personally LOVE it! When I see rain in the forecast, I get excited! Rain relaxes me and puts me at ease. It takes away anything that may be bothering me at the time. Yes, I don't like when I get my hair wet from it because my hair does not cooperate as it is, but that's the least of my worries. There are ways to go around that.
When it rains, it takes me back to my high school days with my friend Kelly. If it were the weekend and it was raining or about to rain, one of us would call the other and meet up to either go running in the rain or ride our bikes in the rain. We loved it! The streets around her house growing up would flood a lot. That meant running and jumping through the puddles. Or, if we were riding our bikes, we would ride them really fast through the puddles. I know, not your typical teenage girls, right? We really weren't. I wasn't popular. And growing up I always thought of myself as a tomboy. And, sports or doing sporty things were fun for me. So, having a good close friend like Kelly was amazing! That we loved doing the same things. And it just happened to be that running and riding bikes in the rain was two of them.
As I got older, I still loved it in the rain. When I was in boot camp and my military school for the Army, I was in two locations where it rained a lot. They were humid rains, but nonetheless, rain. In Missouri we would be marching in our BDU's in the rain. That was tough. I'm not going to lie. long sleeves and pants along with boots. We usually had a poncho on if it were raining, but I still loved it. It was a little refreshing when it would rain. No matter how humid it was. Since when it was sunny, it was miserable. Then, off to San Antonio, Texas. I stepped off that bus into more humid weather. I think it was worse because it was sticky. It rained a little through August and September, but it was October when it really rained. That year, 1997, it flooded in San Antonio. I mean, the base was flooded in the low lying areas. The places we would run were so far under water. The trees themselves were under water. At least there we wore our BDU tops with the sleeves rolled up. But still in pants and boots. But it made it better. And rain was so refreshing, I still didn't care. I was probably one of the few who would walk, not run, from one barracks to the other for formation or to get to my bunk.
Once I got home and when I moved to Northern California in 2001, I had more rain than I had had in a long time. Yes, it rained in Southern California, but nothing like Northern. It was cold. So, I was bundled up, but it was rain. One summer I went to a Chris LeDoux concert with my then boyfriends family at the State Fair. Through the whole concert it was pouring rain with thunder and lightening. I will have to say, it was probably the best experience at a concert. The rain, the thunder, the lightening, and even the wind made it fun. And the fact that Chris LeDoux kept on playing no mater what. I was drenched at the end and didn't care.
There has only been one time when I didn't care for the rain. Really it was about a year and a half time. I was working for CHP and rain meant busy. I didn't mind the phones when it was raining, it was the radio. I was already nervous about the radio there while in training as it was, and then make it a rain day and it really freaked me out. I was lucky that my supervisors working New Years of 2005-2006 decided to keep the trainees off the radio that day. Why? Because all of Sacramento was flooding. Homes from Elk Grove to North Highlands and Elverta area were flooding. We would see the news and there were people on their roofs waving for helicopters to come get them. The phones were off the hook. I couldn't really enjoy the rain when I worked there. Which made it so I didn't want to do anything in the rain. On my days off I would stay inside with the shades closed and watch tv or movies.
After CHP I started working for State Parks. By this time we were getting into the drought years. So rain was few and far in between. When it would rain all of us at work would get excited. Excited because that meant the reservoirs would have a bit more water. But in the end, we have had way too many drought years since I've worked for State Parks. So much so that I can count on my hands how many days of rain we had each year, until this year.
This year we have had rain at least once a week from mid October through February. March it started to taper off some, but we still have rain. Some of the rain has been so cold that in the mountains it was snowing. I can't remember the last time we had so much snow in the Sierras. It's been beautiful! Although, last year we did have freezing temperatures here in the Sacramento area to the point we had snow fall but not stick. This year we didn't get that far, but we had low snow fall. This year is what got me thinking of the rain. The last two days we have had rain and it's made me happy. I had the blinds and curtains open in the house and watched the rain fall. It's soothing, hypnotizing, majestic.
Then there is that smell. The fresh clean smell of rain. Where it's clearing out all the smog and yuck out of the air. Have you ever noticed that? The way rain cleans out everything in the air and the ground? Not to mention the day after it has been raining. Whether it's rained one day or 5, the day after the sky is clear, crystal blue with the big white puffy clouds. Everything feels and smells clean. Everything looks new again. It's like rain comes when you need to clear out the bad and it leaves all the good behind. It's beautiful. The last few days of rain has helped with any depression I may have. Any stress I may have. It's calmed me. Helped me know that things will be ok. It came at the right time, since I've been stressing over financial situations regarding my transplant. The fact that my transplant is at Stanford which is in a very high cost area. The hotels and airbnb or vrbo homes are all in the high cost area. Prices are not cheap. So, the stress and a little depression (which brought on a lot of sleepless or very little sleep nights) were calmed and washed away by the rain the last two days.
I know rain is not for everybody. I understand that. But, for me and for Eric, it puts us at peace. The rain helps with our moods. Rain makes us feel fresh, clean and like everything is going to be just fine. Our depression and stress go away for a while. So, the next time it rains, even if you don't care for it, remember that even though it may be stressful for you, it's clearing the way for better times. Because after every storm, there is a rainbow.
When it rains, it takes me back to my high school days with my friend Kelly. If it were the weekend and it was raining or about to rain, one of us would call the other and meet up to either go running in the rain or ride our bikes in the rain. We loved it! The streets around her house growing up would flood a lot. That meant running and jumping through the puddles. Or, if we were riding our bikes, we would ride them really fast through the puddles. I know, not your typical teenage girls, right? We really weren't. I wasn't popular. And growing up I always thought of myself as a tomboy. And, sports or doing sporty things were fun for me. So, having a good close friend like Kelly was amazing! That we loved doing the same things. And it just happened to be that running and riding bikes in the rain was two of them.
As I got older, I still loved it in the rain. When I was in boot camp and my military school for the Army, I was in two locations where it rained a lot. They were humid rains, but nonetheless, rain. In Missouri we would be marching in our BDU's in the rain. That was tough. I'm not going to lie. long sleeves and pants along with boots. We usually had a poncho on if it were raining, but I still loved it. It was a little refreshing when it would rain. No matter how humid it was. Since when it was sunny, it was miserable. Then, off to San Antonio, Texas. I stepped off that bus into more humid weather. I think it was worse because it was sticky. It rained a little through August and September, but it was October when it really rained. That year, 1997, it flooded in San Antonio. I mean, the base was flooded in the low lying areas. The places we would run were so far under water. The trees themselves were under water. At least there we wore our BDU tops with the sleeves rolled up. But still in pants and boots. But it made it better. And rain was so refreshing, I still didn't care. I was probably one of the few who would walk, not run, from one barracks to the other for formation or to get to my bunk.
Once I got home and when I moved to Northern California in 2001, I had more rain than I had had in a long time. Yes, it rained in Southern California, but nothing like Northern. It was cold. So, I was bundled up, but it was rain. One summer I went to a Chris LeDoux concert with my then boyfriends family at the State Fair. Through the whole concert it was pouring rain with thunder and lightening. I will have to say, it was probably the best experience at a concert. The rain, the thunder, the lightening, and even the wind made it fun. And the fact that Chris LeDoux kept on playing no mater what. I was drenched at the end and didn't care.
There has only been one time when I didn't care for the rain. Really it was about a year and a half time. I was working for CHP and rain meant busy. I didn't mind the phones when it was raining, it was the radio. I was already nervous about the radio there while in training as it was, and then make it a rain day and it really freaked me out. I was lucky that my supervisors working New Years of 2005-2006 decided to keep the trainees off the radio that day. Why? Because all of Sacramento was flooding. Homes from Elk Grove to North Highlands and Elverta area were flooding. We would see the news and there were people on their roofs waving for helicopters to come get them. The phones were off the hook. I couldn't really enjoy the rain when I worked there. Which made it so I didn't want to do anything in the rain. On my days off I would stay inside with the shades closed and watch tv or movies.
After CHP I started working for State Parks. By this time we were getting into the drought years. So rain was few and far in between. When it would rain all of us at work would get excited. Excited because that meant the reservoirs would have a bit more water. But in the end, we have had way too many drought years since I've worked for State Parks. So much so that I can count on my hands how many days of rain we had each year, until this year.
This year we have had rain at least once a week from mid October through February. March it started to taper off some, but we still have rain. Some of the rain has been so cold that in the mountains it was snowing. I can't remember the last time we had so much snow in the Sierras. It's been beautiful! Although, last year we did have freezing temperatures here in the Sacramento area to the point we had snow fall but not stick. This year we didn't get that far, but we had low snow fall. This year is what got me thinking of the rain. The last two days we have had rain and it's made me happy. I had the blinds and curtains open in the house and watched the rain fall. It's soothing, hypnotizing, majestic.
Then there is that smell. The fresh clean smell of rain. Where it's clearing out all the smog and yuck out of the air. Have you ever noticed that? The way rain cleans out everything in the air and the ground? Not to mention the day after it has been raining. Whether it's rained one day or 5, the day after the sky is clear, crystal blue with the big white puffy clouds. Everything feels and smells clean. Everything looks new again. It's like rain comes when you need to clear out the bad and it leaves all the good behind. It's beautiful. The last few days of rain has helped with any depression I may have. Any stress I may have. It's calmed me. Helped me know that things will be ok. It came at the right time, since I've been stressing over financial situations regarding my transplant. The fact that my transplant is at Stanford which is in a very high cost area. The hotels and airbnb or vrbo homes are all in the high cost area. Prices are not cheap. So, the stress and a little depression (which brought on a lot of sleepless or very little sleep nights) were calmed and washed away by the rain the last two days.
I know rain is not for everybody. I understand that. But, for me and for Eric, it puts us at peace. The rain helps with our moods. Rain makes us feel fresh, clean and like everything is going to be just fine. Our depression and stress go away for a while. So, the next time it rains, even if you don't care for it, remember that even though it may be stressful for you, it's clearing the way for better times. Because after every storm, there is a rainbow.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Silent Stalker
It's here again. My silent stalker. Last time it showed it's ugly face was about 2 1/2 weeks ago or so. The last time it was in the middle of the night? On August 19th and for about 2 weeks after that date. I call it my silent stalker because its always there like a stalker, hiding, waiting. Silent? Because I can be going about my life, happy and excited, then...BAM! There it is, and my day or night becomes sad or bad. But usually sad. A lot of crying. It sucks. And a lot of the time I feel like I can't talk about it. That nobody will understand. I know that's all in my head though, but I can't shake it.
What is my silent stalker you ask? Depression. Plain and simple, depression. I know I'm not alone. I know there are a lot of people who have it. Mine is my cancer related. Not knowing why it picked me. Not knowing if my treatment is going to work. If my transplant will work. How long I really have left. I feel like Eric doesn't deserve this. He deserves so much better. In the beginning I hid this depression. I felt like I had to hide it to help everybody around me. To help Eric feel better and for him to not be sad or depressed. Now, I know that when it comes about, I need to just talk about it.
Talking about it. Supposed to be the best medicine for it. Sometimes, in my case, it is. Other times, it makes me feel worse. Helpless. Useless. I feel useless when the pain is at it's worse. Especially when it's not just my bone pain that hurts, but the headaches I get from the Velcade. Thats my chemo shot I get once week. Tonight, I feel useless. I feel useless because my back hurts, my knees hurt and my head is pounding. Nothing is working right now. I tried the Deep Blue Essential oil from DoTerra on my back earlier and it really worked. But, I feel it has now worn off, 6 hours later, and my depression has me up at 1:30am and debilitated in bed. I don't want to get up. I feel like I can't get up. It sucks! Plain and simple, it sucks!
My silent stalker. I wish it would leave me alone. Forever. Bring back the usual me. The happy positive me. The me people like to be around. The me that I am when the pain isn't there. The me from before August 19th. I miss that me. She's here. Deep down, I know she's here. I'd just like her more that it. Not just for me really, but for Eric, for my family, for my friends, for Brandon. She's a lot more pleasant to be around.
I believe I attempt to hide the depression because I am ashamed. I'm ashamed that I'm letting the diagnosis do this to me. I'm ashamed because I know I am better than it. I'm a fighter. I'm kicking cancers ass. But, for me, lately I can't seem to kick depression in the ass. Maybe I will be able to once I have my transplant and see my white blood cells coming back up. Maybe I will be able to once I hear those words "You are in remission" or "You are in complete response". Since, for Multiple Myeloma, there is no cure for now.
I'm going to beat this. My silent stalker. The MM. I'm going to. I know I will, but right now, the silent stalker is taking over. So, I decided to write. Maybe this will help me kick it for now. If anything, so I can at least sleep. I need sleep. For now, I will leave you with what I wrote. I need to attempt to get some sleep. Even if broken or just a few hours. So, good night, and hopefully when I wake up in the morning my silent stalker will be silent once again.
What is my silent stalker you ask? Depression. Plain and simple, depression. I know I'm not alone. I know there are a lot of people who have it. Mine is my cancer related. Not knowing why it picked me. Not knowing if my treatment is going to work. If my transplant will work. How long I really have left. I feel like Eric doesn't deserve this. He deserves so much better. In the beginning I hid this depression. I felt like I had to hide it to help everybody around me. To help Eric feel better and for him to not be sad or depressed. Now, I know that when it comes about, I need to just talk about it.
Talking about it. Supposed to be the best medicine for it. Sometimes, in my case, it is. Other times, it makes me feel worse. Helpless. Useless. I feel useless when the pain is at it's worse. Especially when it's not just my bone pain that hurts, but the headaches I get from the Velcade. Thats my chemo shot I get once week. Tonight, I feel useless. I feel useless because my back hurts, my knees hurt and my head is pounding. Nothing is working right now. I tried the Deep Blue Essential oil from DoTerra on my back earlier and it really worked. But, I feel it has now worn off, 6 hours later, and my depression has me up at 1:30am and debilitated in bed. I don't want to get up. I feel like I can't get up. It sucks! Plain and simple, it sucks!
My silent stalker. I wish it would leave me alone. Forever. Bring back the usual me. The happy positive me. The me people like to be around. The me that I am when the pain isn't there. The me from before August 19th. I miss that me. She's here. Deep down, I know she's here. I'd just like her more that it. Not just for me really, but for Eric, for my family, for my friends, for Brandon. She's a lot more pleasant to be around.
I believe I attempt to hide the depression because I am ashamed. I'm ashamed that I'm letting the diagnosis do this to me. I'm ashamed because I know I am better than it. I'm a fighter. I'm kicking cancers ass. But, for me, lately I can't seem to kick depression in the ass. Maybe I will be able to once I have my transplant and see my white blood cells coming back up. Maybe I will be able to once I hear those words "You are in remission" or "You are in complete response". Since, for Multiple Myeloma, there is no cure for now.
I'm going to beat this. My silent stalker. The MM. I'm going to. I know I will, but right now, the silent stalker is taking over. So, I decided to write. Maybe this will help me kick it for now. If anything, so I can at least sleep. I need sleep. For now, I will leave you with what I wrote. I need to attempt to get some sleep. Even if broken or just a few hours. So, good night, and hopefully when I wake up in the morning my silent stalker will be silent once again.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Low Microbial Diet
Everybody knows there are all kinds of diets out there. Of course, we mainly hear of the ones to help you supposedly lose weight. Well, there are also other kinds of diets out there. The kind that are for people who NEED a special diet due to cancer treatment and the immunosuppression they have because of chemo, radiation and for what I have coming up, my autologous stem cell transplant.
My diet I will be on is called the Low Microbial Diet. What is the Low Microbial Diet you may ask? Well, it will reduce your risk of getting sick while your immune system is weak, such as after chemotherapy, radiation therapy, or a bone marrow or stem cell transplant. While reading up on this diet, I have also seen it called the Low Bacteria Diet. Which is a meal plan that involves choosing, preparing and cooking foods with low amounts of bacteria. Ingesting bacteria while you are immunosuppressed can cause an infection in your body. This diet will help keep infections down and allow your body to heal during and after treatment and transplant.
Sounds kind of complicated doesn't it? After really reading about it a few nights ago while Brandon was sleeping, it really isn't too complicated. Confusing at times, but not too complicated. Basically, stay away from expired foods, discard any moldy foods, restaurants, fast food, non pasteurized foods, make sure to wash fruits and vegetables and hands before eating and while preparing foods, and all foods must be stored and handled properly to avoid food-related infections and illness. Keep cold foods cold, hot foods hot and refrigerate any leftovers immediately after use. Also, discard any left overs after three days. Easy? Possibly! The tough part for me I think will be not being able to have some foods I love. But, if it means it will help me heal faster/better, then by all means I will stick to it.
What can I can I not have? I will start with the "no-no's".
Foods I can NOT have are:
*Dairy:
- Milk or milk products, yogurt and cheese that are raw or have not been pasteurized.
- Cheese from a deli counter and cheese that contains chili peppers or uncooked vegetables.
- Cheeses with molds, such as blue, Stilton, gorgonzola, and Roquefort cheese.
- Aged cheese, such as sharp cheddar, brie, feta, and farmer's cheese.
* Protein foods:
- Raw or undercooked meat, poultry, fish, game, eggs, and tofu.
- Meat and cold cuts from deli counters and hot dogs (unless reheated until steaming hot).
- Smoked or pickled salmon or other fish.
- Tempe (tempeh) products.
- Roasted nuts in the shell or unfrosted raw nuts.
* Fruits and vegetables:
- Unwashed raw fruits, vegetables and herbs.
- All raw vegetable sprouts, such as alfalfa, reddish, and broccoli.
- Salads from a deli or a salad bar.
- Salsa stored in a refrigerated case.
* Grain products and soups:
- Uncooked grain products.
- Miso products, such as miso soup.
- Breads, rolls, and pastries from self-service bins.
* Drinks:
- Well water (unless it is tested yearly and found to be safe).
- Brewed tea made with warm or cold water.
- Fruit and vegetable juices that have not been pasteurized.
* Other foods:
- Fresh salad dressing made with aged cheese.
- Raw honey.
- Herbal supplements (pills).
Whew! That's a lot, right? Some of the items I can not believe, others I totally understand.
Now, for the items I CAN have:
*Dairy:
- Pasteurized milk and yogurt (Pasteurization is a process that heats food in order to destroy
bacteria).
- Commercially packaged cheese made with pasteurized milk, such as mild and medium
cheddar, mozzarella, parmesan, and Swiss cheese.
* Protein foods:
- All well-cooked meats, such as beef, pork, turkey, chicken, fish, and shellfish.
- Canned meat and fish and meat spreads.
- Well-cooked eggs, egg substitutes, and tofu.
- Reheated deli meats and hot dogs.
- Nuts in baked products, shelled roasted nuts, canned or bottled roasted nuts, peanut butter.
* Fruits and vegetables:
- Canned, frozen, and dried fruits.
- Pasteurized fruit juice.
- Raw fruit, vegetables, and herbs that are washed well.
- Frozen, canned, and cooked vegetables.
* Grains:
- Breads, bagels, rolls, muffins, pancakes, and waffles.
- Packaged snacks, such and potato chips, pretzels, and popcorn.
- Cooked pasta, rice, and other grains.
- Cooked-and-ready to eat cereals.
* Drinks:
- Tap, bottled, distilled, and spring water.
- Instant and brewed coffee and tea made with boiling water.
- Brewed herbal tea made with packaged tea bags.
* Other foods:
- Refrigerated commercial and homemade cookies, cakes, pies, pastries, and pudding.
- Condiments that have been refrigerated after opening, such as ketchup, mustard, barbecue
sauce, soy sauce.
- Jam, jelly, and syrup that has been refrigerated after opening.
Looks complicated, right? But, when you really look at it and read about it, it really isn't too bad. The precautions to take while shopping for your food, preparing, cooking, storing, and even cleaning the kitchen are all the same things you should do anyway. Things like looking at the expiration date. Look for fruits and vegetables that appear fresh and ask a grocery store worker how fresh they are. Do not buy food in dented or bulging cans, torn boxes, or leaky plastic wrappers. I know with that one, it sometimes appeals to buyers because you can get it at a discount. Make sure to wash your hands, thaw foods in a refrigerator or microwave, do not refreeze thawed foods, wash fruits and vegetables under running water before peeling or eating them, use separate cutting boards for meats and vegetables, wash the top of the cans with soap and warm water before opening them during preparation. While cooking, make sure to cook meats until well done, use a separate spoon to taste and stir, never leave food out of the refrigerator for more that two hours and items with eggs or mayonnaise in them no longer than one hour, and throw away food that has been in the refrigerator for more than two to three days. To decrease bacteria in the kitchen, make sure to wash dishcloths and sponges every day using bleach and hot water and rinsing well and replacing the sponges once a week, wipe up spills and keep your kitchen clean using 1 tablespoon of bleach with 1 quart of warm water to clean your kitchen, and wash cutting boards in hot soapy water or in the dishwasher after using them.
You are really not allowed to eat at restaurants, but some things you should stay away from when out is yogurt and ice cream from soft-serve machines. Salad bars, deli counters, buffets, and food carts. Avoid potlucks and food kept under warming lights. And avoid condiments (such as mustard or ketchup) from self-serve containers. Honestly, I can tell you that I will NOT be eating out. Just to make sure I don't have the risk of getting bacteria and an infection. I can do that. We do that already. Well, mostly. We do eat out sometimes, but I am a lot more careful about what I eat and what I stay away from.
The Low Microbial Diet really isn't too hard. Complicated sometimes. You may take more time in the grocery store when getting your food really looking at the product. But, to keep the risk of infection down and help make me better again, it will be time well spent.
My diet I will be on is called the Low Microbial Diet. What is the Low Microbial Diet you may ask? Well, it will reduce your risk of getting sick while your immune system is weak, such as after chemotherapy, radiation therapy, or a bone marrow or stem cell transplant. While reading up on this diet, I have also seen it called the Low Bacteria Diet. Which is a meal plan that involves choosing, preparing and cooking foods with low amounts of bacteria. Ingesting bacteria while you are immunosuppressed can cause an infection in your body. This diet will help keep infections down and allow your body to heal during and after treatment and transplant.
Sounds kind of complicated doesn't it? After really reading about it a few nights ago while Brandon was sleeping, it really isn't too complicated. Confusing at times, but not too complicated. Basically, stay away from expired foods, discard any moldy foods, restaurants, fast food, non pasteurized foods, make sure to wash fruits and vegetables and hands before eating and while preparing foods, and all foods must be stored and handled properly to avoid food-related infections and illness. Keep cold foods cold, hot foods hot and refrigerate any leftovers immediately after use. Also, discard any left overs after three days. Easy? Possibly! The tough part for me I think will be not being able to have some foods I love. But, if it means it will help me heal faster/better, then by all means I will stick to it.
What can I can I not have? I will start with the "no-no's".
Foods I can NOT have are:
*Dairy:
- Milk or milk products, yogurt and cheese that are raw or have not been pasteurized.
- Cheese from a deli counter and cheese that contains chili peppers or uncooked vegetables.
- Cheeses with molds, such as blue, Stilton, gorgonzola, and Roquefort cheese.
- Aged cheese, such as sharp cheddar, brie, feta, and farmer's cheese.
* Protein foods:
- Raw or undercooked meat, poultry, fish, game, eggs, and tofu.
- Meat and cold cuts from deli counters and hot dogs (unless reheated until steaming hot).
- Smoked or pickled salmon or other fish.
- Tempe (tempeh) products.
- Roasted nuts in the shell or unfrosted raw nuts.
* Fruits and vegetables:
- Unwashed raw fruits, vegetables and herbs.
- All raw vegetable sprouts, such as alfalfa, reddish, and broccoli.
- Salads from a deli or a salad bar.
- Salsa stored in a refrigerated case.
* Grain products and soups:
- Uncooked grain products.
- Miso products, such as miso soup.
- Breads, rolls, and pastries from self-service bins.
* Drinks:
- Well water (unless it is tested yearly and found to be safe).
- Brewed tea made with warm or cold water.
- Fruit and vegetable juices that have not been pasteurized.
* Other foods:
- Fresh salad dressing made with aged cheese.
- Raw honey.
- Herbal supplements (pills).
Whew! That's a lot, right? Some of the items I can not believe, others I totally understand.
Now, for the items I CAN have:
*Dairy:
- Pasteurized milk and yogurt (Pasteurization is a process that heats food in order to destroy
bacteria).
- Commercially packaged cheese made with pasteurized milk, such as mild and medium
cheddar, mozzarella, parmesan, and Swiss cheese.
* Protein foods:
- All well-cooked meats, such as beef, pork, turkey, chicken, fish, and shellfish.
- Canned meat and fish and meat spreads.
- Well-cooked eggs, egg substitutes, and tofu.
- Reheated deli meats and hot dogs.
- Nuts in baked products, shelled roasted nuts, canned or bottled roasted nuts, peanut butter.
* Fruits and vegetables:
- Canned, frozen, and dried fruits.
- Pasteurized fruit juice.
- Raw fruit, vegetables, and herbs that are washed well.
- Frozen, canned, and cooked vegetables.
* Grains:
- Breads, bagels, rolls, muffins, pancakes, and waffles.
- Packaged snacks, such and potato chips, pretzels, and popcorn.
- Cooked pasta, rice, and other grains.
- Cooked-and-ready to eat cereals.
* Drinks:
- Tap, bottled, distilled, and spring water.
- Instant and brewed coffee and tea made with boiling water.
- Brewed herbal tea made with packaged tea bags.
* Other foods:
- Refrigerated commercial and homemade cookies, cakes, pies, pastries, and pudding.
- Condiments that have been refrigerated after opening, such as ketchup, mustard, barbecue
sauce, soy sauce.
- Jam, jelly, and syrup that has been refrigerated after opening.
Looks complicated, right? But, when you really look at it and read about it, it really isn't too bad. The precautions to take while shopping for your food, preparing, cooking, storing, and even cleaning the kitchen are all the same things you should do anyway. Things like looking at the expiration date. Look for fruits and vegetables that appear fresh and ask a grocery store worker how fresh they are. Do not buy food in dented or bulging cans, torn boxes, or leaky plastic wrappers. I know with that one, it sometimes appeals to buyers because you can get it at a discount. Make sure to wash your hands, thaw foods in a refrigerator or microwave, do not refreeze thawed foods, wash fruits and vegetables under running water before peeling or eating them, use separate cutting boards for meats and vegetables, wash the top of the cans with soap and warm water before opening them during preparation. While cooking, make sure to cook meats until well done, use a separate spoon to taste and stir, never leave food out of the refrigerator for more that two hours and items with eggs or mayonnaise in them no longer than one hour, and throw away food that has been in the refrigerator for more than two to three days. To decrease bacteria in the kitchen, make sure to wash dishcloths and sponges every day using bleach and hot water and rinsing well and replacing the sponges once a week, wipe up spills and keep your kitchen clean using 1 tablespoon of bleach with 1 quart of warm water to clean your kitchen, and wash cutting boards in hot soapy water or in the dishwasher after using them.
You are really not allowed to eat at restaurants, but some things you should stay away from when out is yogurt and ice cream from soft-serve machines. Salad bars, deli counters, buffets, and food carts. Avoid potlucks and food kept under warming lights. And avoid condiments (such as mustard or ketchup) from self-serve containers. Honestly, I can tell you that I will NOT be eating out. Just to make sure I don't have the risk of getting bacteria and an infection. I can do that. We do that already. Well, mostly. We do eat out sometimes, but I am a lot more careful about what I eat and what I stay away from.
The Low Microbial Diet really isn't too hard. Complicated sometimes. You may take more time in the grocery store when getting your food really looking at the product. But, to keep the risk of infection down and help make me better again, it will be time well spent.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Nap Time
Something new has started happening the last few days here in our home. Something that I need to figure out how to deal with it for when I have my transplant. The thing happening is Brandon only taking naps or falling asleep while I am holding him during the day. At night it can be either Eric or me, but since I am home with him all day, so far he will only take a nap the last few days while I am holding him. It could be because he's had this cold/allergy thing going on along with teething and just wants to feel comforted, or it could be a new thing we need to break for now.
The reason we need to break it for now is that when I have my transplant, I can't sleep with him. I can be around him. Hold him during the day (as long as he doesn't play with my catheter) play with him, feed him. I just can't sleep with him or change his diapers or clean up his spit up. The reason being, my immune system will already be working overtime to come back up to where it needs to be and those things can make me sick, among other things. Which, we really don't need when we are trying to make me better.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE sleeping next to him and holding him while he naps. He brings me a sense of calm. Plus, when I am holding him it makes me sleepy. So, I get a nap also. Otherwise, I sit there looking for something to do that won't wake him up. Should he actually stay asleep longer than 5 or 10 minutes in his bassinet. Today was a good example. He was really tired. I held him as I usually do rocking him in my chair until he was asleep. Then, I gently put him down in his bassinet and walked away. Not even 5 minutes later, I hear him making noises or crying. This happened 3 times before I decided to take him upstairs and we lay down on the bed and he immediately fell asleep for an hour and a half. That was the best nap he's had in a while. He woke up happy and ready to play.
One thing he does when I'm rocking him to sleep or if I lay next to him is he will roll towards me touch my face. I used to think he wanted to be touching me somehow. With a foot, a hand, his body. Something. But now, as I really think about it, its always a hand on my face. I think it's his comfort. Helps him know I am there. It's his security blanket. How can I ever break him of that? It's the best feeling in the world.
In the end, I don't want to break him of sleeping with me or Eric. We want it to be his decision. I will have to get used to it for a few months. I'm not going to lie, its going to be hard. But it is necessary for my health for a short time. If that means I can be around a lot longer.
Fell asleep in my arms
The reason we need to break it for now is that when I have my transplant, I can't sleep with him. I can be around him. Hold him during the day (as long as he doesn't play with my catheter) play with him, feed him. I just can't sleep with him or change his diapers or clean up his spit up. The reason being, my immune system will already be working overtime to come back up to where it needs to be and those things can make me sick, among other things. Which, we really don't need when we are trying to make me better.
A little dark, but nap time with mommy
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE sleeping next to him and holding him while he naps. He brings me a sense of calm. Plus, when I am holding him it makes me sleepy. So, I get a nap also. Otherwise, I sit there looking for something to do that won't wake him up. Should he actually stay asleep longer than 5 or 10 minutes in his bassinet. Today was a good example. He was really tired. I held him as I usually do rocking him in my chair until he was asleep. Then, I gently put him down in his bassinet and walked away. Not even 5 minutes later, I hear him making noises or crying. This happened 3 times before I decided to take him upstairs and we lay down on the bed and he immediately fell asleep for an hour and a half. That was the best nap he's had in a while. He woke up happy and ready to play.
One thing he does when I'm rocking him to sleep or if I lay next to him is he will roll towards me touch my face. I used to think he wanted to be touching me somehow. With a foot, a hand, his body. Something. But now, as I really think about it, its always a hand on my face. I think it's his comfort. Helps him know I am there. It's his security blanket. How can I ever break him of that? It's the best feeling in the world.
Always has a hand on my face
In the end, I don't want to break him of sleeping with me or Eric. We want it to be his decision. I will have to get used to it for a few months. I'm not going to lie, its going to be hard. But it is necessary for my health for a short time. If that means I can be around a lot longer.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
It's "See You Later"
Today was a tough day. I think I held it together. It helped that I had Brandon there to hold on to. Even better would have been if Eric could have been there too. Today was the memorial service for a Fish & Wildlife warden I dispatched for, Alan Weingarten. That nasty "C" word took him. His? Skin cancer. I was shocked a few weeks ago when I heard of his passing. I had no idea he had cancer. Although, I also haven't been at work since August. I had many emotions run through me in a matter of seconds. Shock, surprise, saddness, heartbroken for his family. Why? Why does there have to be cancer?
I felt bad that I was a little late. I missed the Color Guard. The reason I was late was because I thought it was two hours later than it actually was. I had read the email wrong, but I got us there in 30 minutes safely. Of course, walking up I stood out like sore thumb. Woman walking up pushing a stroller. Because I was so late and not knowing when Brandon would wake up and if he would be crying or want to make noise, I decided to sit on the other side of everybody closer to the building. Which was perfect since Brandon woke up and needed to be changed and then fed.
When I got there, his brother was talking. Lots of emotional, funny, happy times. About growing up, the Marines, and of course being a warden. When he was done, some of the other wardens got up to say some words. All having funny stories of patrolling with Alan. Hearing all of the stories was nice. I knew him as a warden. Always willing to help. Even if it were his day off and he answered the phone when I'd call, he would take the information and call the reporting party. He's also the only officer I have ever been subpoenaed for. Most dispatchers can go their whole careers never being subpoenaed and I was. It was definitely an experience and was the first time I met Alan in person.
After the service there was a lunch of sorts. So much food. All different kinds of pasta salads, sliders, regular salad, deviled eggs, fruit platters, veggie platters, BBQ chicken, BBQ pork, cookies, cakes, jello, the list keeps going. It was way too much for me to try everything. While eating, everybody talked, caught up with people they hadn't seen in a while and reminisced about Alan. Brandon, on the other hand, was busy flirting with all the ladies. He does a good job of that too. For me, it gave me a chance to catch up with some of the wardens I haven't talked to in a while since I haven't been to work since my diagnosis. Some knew what I was going through, others didn't, so I let them know what was going on and where I am at this point in treatment. And all of them said how much they missed me. That makes a girl, or really any person, feel good. To know you are missed by those you consider your family. You, as a dispatcher, hold their lives in your hands. You are their safety net. You are supposed to help them when they are in need. These officers are my brothers, my sisters, my aunts, my uncles. They are my family. So, to know I have been missed, was nice to hear.
Here's a picture my friend Carissa's sister took of one of the wardens holding Brandon. As he was holding him, he said "Holding him makes everything alright in the world." And you know, that is very true.
Today had me thinking. Thinking of something I hadn't thought much of, but probably should now. For the "just in case". Todays memorial service was very nice and this is what I would hope would be done for me. Minus the Color Guard, but the relaxed feel and being outdoors. Family and friends gathered telling stories and sharing a BBQ. Old friends catching up after a long time apart and new friends being made. As sad as people were, I personally know that it isn't "good-bye" but is "see you later". We will see you again. Rest in peace Alan. Know you are missed but we will see you again soon.
I felt bad that I was a little late. I missed the Color Guard. The reason I was late was because I thought it was two hours later than it actually was. I had read the email wrong, but I got us there in 30 minutes safely. Of course, walking up I stood out like sore thumb. Woman walking up pushing a stroller. Because I was so late and not knowing when Brandon would wake up and if he would be crying or want to make noise, I decided to sit on the other side of everybody closer to the building. Which was perfect since Brandon woke up and needed to be changed and then fed.
When I got there, his brother was talking. Lots of emotional, funny, happy times. About growing up, the Marines, and of course being a warden. When he was done, some of the other wardens got up to say some words. All having funny stories of patrolling with Alan. Hearing all of the stories was nice. I knew him as a warden. Always willing to help. Even if it were his day off and he answered the phone when I'd call, he would take the information and call the reporting party. He's also the only officer I have ever been subpoenaed for. Most dispatchers can go their whole careers never being subpoenaed and I was. It was definitely an experience and was the first time I met Alan in person.
After the service there was a lunch of sorts. So much food. All different kinds of pasta salads, sliders, regular salad, deviled eggs, fruit platters, veggie platters, BBQ chicken, BBQ pork, cookies, cakes, jello, the list keeps going. It was way too much for me to try everything. While eating, everybody talked, caught up with people they hadn't seen in a while and reminisced about Alan. Brandon, on the other hand, was busy flirting with all the ladies. He does a good job of that too. For me, it gave me a chance to catch up with some of the wardens I haven't talked to in a while since I haven't been to work since my diagnosis. Some knew what I was going through, others didn't, so I let them know what was going on and where I am at this point in treatment. And all of them said how much they missed me. That makes a girl, or really any person, feel good. To know you are missed by those you consider your family. You, as a dispatcher, hold their lives in your hands. You are their safety net. You are supposed to help them when they are in need. These officers are my brothers, my sisters, my aunts, my uncles. They are my family. So, to know I have been missed, was nice to hear.
Here's a picture my friend Carissa's sister took of one of the wardens holding Brandon. As he was holding him, he said "Holding him makes everything alright in the world." And you know, that is very true.
Today had me thinking. Thinking of something I hadn't thought much of, but probably should now. For the "just in case". Todays memorial service was very nice and this is what I would hope would be done for me. Minus the Color Guard, but the relaxed feel and being outdoors. Family and friends gathered telling stories and sharing a BBQ. Old friends catching up after a long time apart and new friends being made. As sad as people were, I personally know that it isn't "good-bye" but is "see you later". We will see you again. Rest in peace Alan. Know you are missed but we will see you again soon.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Cancer Update
Today I had my regular monthly check-up with my Oncologist. This time Eric wasn't able to come because he had the early shift at work, so it was just Brandon & myself. All of the ladies there love him. And I mean LOVE! He lights up their faces. Everybody from the Receptionists Jo and Karen, to all of the nurses in the unit Kellie, Jessica and Kristi to name a few. I like to think that he brings a little hope and joy to some of the other patients there also. The ones who get to see him in the waiting room at least. He's such a happy boy. Always smiling. So who couldn't love him, right?
Ok, back to my update. We went back with Kellie and talked about everything that we usually talk about. How I am feeling, how Eric's doing, what new thing Brandon is doing now. At today's visit I brought some pictures I had been promising her of Brandon. She only asked for one, but I brought her three. How can you pick just one picture of this sweet boy? I know I can't. That's probably why my phone gets filled up so fast. After the chatting and the weighing and the blood pressure taking we went into the exam room. She entered my information into my chart on the computer, talked to Brandon a little more and then said she would let Dr H know I was ready. The waiting is always the tough part. It never used to be until August 19, 2015. My diagnosis day. Doesn't matter how good I'm doing, I always get nervous while waiting. Usually I can make small talk with Eric, but since he wasn't there today, it was all about small talk with Brandon. Which meant making goofy faces and smiling at him while talking to him.
A few minutes later Dr H came in. It was the same thing, all about Brandon again. He too has a brand new son. Just a little over a month younger than Brandon. After the hellos and talking to Brandon, we started right in on how I'm going with treatment and my labs. Now, to remind you, back in November when I started my chemo treatment my numbers were around 5000. Within a month they were down to around 500 and steadily going down since then. For the last month or so they have been fluctuating between 4-16 or so. Which is really good. Well, this week they were at .65. Not 65. There is a decimal point in front of the 6. As in LESS than 1! I was in shock. Still am at it's almost 12 hours later. This shows that the treatment I am getting is working for me. It shows that I am responding very well to this treatment. Of course, that number can go back up some next week, but to be below 1 is pretty amazing in my eyes. After this announcement, he asked how I was feeling and then did the usual check up of checking my lungs and heart and stomach. Before we left, we made plans for my bone marrow biopsy I need to do for my transplant. No set time yet, just a day and that it'll be in the morning. The last one I had was the day of my diagnosis. The lidocaine was the worse part of it all. There was some pressure when Dr H was pulling and tugging to get the bone marrow out, but that lidocaine hurt so bad. Now, to back track just a little. Dr H is about 5'2" or so. Smaller than myself. I was laying on the table on my left side, pregnant belly out there and Eric and Kellie were on the front side of me helping to keep my calm and comforted. Eric told me, because I couldn't see this, that Dr H was basically bracing himself with one foot on the table and pounding the needle into my hip to get to the bone marrow. As funny a sight that must have been, and how much that lidocaine hurt, it's well worth it if it means it's going to show how well I'm doing. Before I left, he asked if I could redo my phosphorous lab. Of course I could. I was going to be down in that area already.
/
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{^^ That right there was Brandon helping his mommy write}
After that appointment I went down to fill a prescription and then also do the one lab Dr H wanted me to redo. My phosphorous came back a little high from my labs on Monday, so he wanted to see if it came down since then. The lab tech I got is amazing. She's an older lady that wears blue eyeshadow and does her hair kind of big. Like she's living life as her younger self again. Don't get me wrong, she's very professional. Looks can be deceiving. She's probably my favorite lab tech. The reason being is because when she sticks me, I don't feel the needle. At all! By the time I was done and I walked across the lobby to the pharmacy my prescription was ready. I stood in line for about 5 minutes, got my prescription and then was off to just wander and walk around before going to pick up Eric from work for the next appointment.
After Brandon and I left Kaiser we went to Target to get some diapers to hold off until we could get the CostCo ones. Then it was off to Buy Buy Baby to walk around, because who doesn't like to walk around a baby store? Next we went to Michaels because I love to walk around and get ideas for my next craft. I get so many ideas in my head it is hard to keep them straight sometimes, but walking around Michaels or even JoAnns helps get them in order. It helps get my creative juices flowing again. After Michaels, I decided I needed something to eat. And I wanted to be closer to CostCo where Eric works so I went to El Pollo Loco. It has been years since I ate there. Probably since 2001. It's still good, but I think because of my allergies and the fact my throat is probably scratched up from coughing so much, the spiciness of the burrito I ordered hurt, and I only ate half of it.
After lunch I decided to go ahead and go to CostCo. Eric still had an hour, but of course I could walk around the store and get a little more exercise. First place I went when I got into the store was to the back. To the deli where Eric works. I figured that even if he was in the chicken room or in the production room, he would still see us and know we were there. As I walked towards the back I saw him there at Poke. That made it so much easier to say hi and for him to get a little Brandon time too. He still needed to take his last break so I went over to say hi to Jen, Rosie and the rest of the guys and gals in the deli with Brandon. They, like everybody at oncology, love to see him. I let Jen know that Eric needed his last break and then went back to Eric. Not knowing Jen was right behind me to give him a break. We walked around and sat for about 10 minutes before he had to get back. Brandon was getting tired so I told him that we would be up front waiting for him. 30 minutes later, there he was and we were off to my next appointment. My Echocardiogram.
Yes, I am 37 years old and had an echo done of my heart. It's just a standard test for my transplant. Next week I have my pulmonary test. We got to Kaiser, got to Cardiology and checked in and only had to wait maybe 10 minutes. We went back and I got dressed for the test. I will have to say, this was actually really cool to see my heart. To see it beating. To see the vales. To HEAR my heart beating. The last time I heard a heartbeat and saw the fluttering of a heart was Brandons at my prenatal appointments. It still amazes me how we can do all these tests and ultrasounds to see and hear parts of our bodies nobody really sees or hears. Well, except for our doctors. Eric and Brandon were of course in the room with us and got to see and hear my heart also. Both Eric and I think that when we heard my heart, it was a soothing sound for Brandon. A familiar sound. I could see how that would be too. For the 8 months he was in me, he heard it. There is a saying I saw on Pinterest when I was pregnant with Brandon. "Your child will be the only person to hear your heartbeat from the inside". How true is that? About half way through, Eric decided to take Brandon out to the waiting room and walk around with him because he was getting a little fussy and needed some movement. The tech and I finished and she helped me get everything out to the waiting room. Everything being his carseat. She let me know that everything looked great but if anything was wrong, I would hear from Dr H. By this time, Brandon was asleep and we got situated and left to go get Erics car and go home, but not without stopping for some frozen yogurt. A long day like today called for some.
So, all in all, it was a long busy day, but a productive one at that. We are now in bed, both writing with Brandon sitting between us. He is starring at my screen. Like he's reading what I am typing. But really I think it's the bright shiny light of the computer screen he's looking at. Everything I've done in the last 7 months is all because of him. Without him, we probably wouldn't know about my cancer. I could be sitting here with it and not know. I owe everything to this little guy who stole my heart a little over a year ago when we heard his first heartbeat and saw it fluttering so fast at that first prenatal appointment. Who would have thought at that moment, he would be saving me. His mommy he hadn't actually met yet. He will always have my heart along with Eric. These two keep me grounded.
Ok, back to my update. We went back with Kellie and talked about everything that we usually talk about. How I am feeling, how Eric's doing, what new thing Brandon is doing now. At today's visit I brought some pictures I had been promising her of Brandon. She only asked for one, but I brought her three. How can you pick just one picture of this sweet boy? I know I can't. That's probably why my phone gets filled up so fast. After the chatting and the weighing and the blood pressure taking we went into the exam room. She entered my information into my chart on the computer, talked to Brandon a little more and then said she would let Dr H know I was ready. The waiting is always the tough part. It never used to be until August 19, 2015. My diagnosis day. Doesn't matter how good I'm doing, I always get nervous while waiting. Usually I can make small talk with Eric, but since he wasn't there today, it was all about small talk with Brandon. Which meant making goofy faces and smiling at him while talking to him.
A few minutes later Dr H came in. It was the same thing, all about Brandon again. He too has a brand new son. Just a little over a month younger than Brandon. After the hellos and talking to Brandon, we started right in on how I'm going with treatment and my labs. Now, to remind you, back in November when I started my chemo treatment my numbers were around 5000. Within a month they were down to around 500 and steadily going down since then. For the last month or so they have been fluctuating between 4-16 or so. Which is really good. Well, this week they were at .65. Not 65. There is a decimal point in front of the 6. As in LESS than 1! I was in shock. Still am at it's almost 12 hours later. This shows that the treatment I am getting is working for me. It shows that I am responding very well to this treatment. Of course, that number can go back up some next week, but to be below 1 is pretty amazing in my eyes. After this announcement, he asked how I was feeling and then did the usual check up of checking my lungs and heart and stomach. Before we left, we made plans for my bone marrow biopsy I need to do for my transplant. No set time yet, just a day and that it'll be in the morning. The last one I had was the day of my diagnosis. The lidocaine was the worse part of it all. There was some pressure when Dr H was pulling and tugging to get the bone marrow out, but that lidocaine hurt so bad. Now, to back track just a little. Dr H is about 5'2" or so. Smaller than myself. I was laying on the table on my left side, pregnant belly out there and Eric and Kellie were on the front side of me helping to keep my calm and comforted. Eric told me, because I couldn't see this, that Dr H was basically bracing himself with one foot on the table and pounding the needle into my hip to get to the bone marrow. As funny a sight that must have been, and how much that lidocaine hurt, it's well worth it if it means it's going to show how well I'm doing. Before I left, he asked if I could redo my phosphorous lab. Of course I could. I was going to be down in that area already.
/
\\\\
{^^ That right there was Brandon helping his mommy write}
After that appointment I went down to fill a prescription and then also do the one lab Dr H wanted me to redo. My phosphorous came back a little high from my labs on Monday, so he wanted to see if it came down since then. The lab tech I got is amazing. She's an older lady that wears blue eyeshadow and does her hair kind of big. Like she's living life as her younger self again. Don't get me wrong, she's very professional. Looks can be deceiving. She's probably my favorite lab tech. The reason being is because when she sticks me, I don't feel the needle. At all! By the time I was done and I walked across the lobby to the pharmacy my prescription was ready. I stood in line for about 5 minutes, got my prescription and then was off to just wander and walk around before going to pick up Eric from work for the next appointment.
After Brandon and I left Kaiser we went to Target to get some diapers to hold off until we could get the CostCo ones. Then it was off to Buy Buy Baby to walk around, because who doesn't like to walk around a baby store? Next we went to Michaels because I love to walk around and get ideas for my next craft. I get so many ideas in my head it is hard to keep them straight sometimes, but walking around Michaels or even JoAnns helps get them in order. It helps get my creative juices flowing again. After Michaels, I decided I needed something to eat. And I wanted to be closer to CostCo where Eric works so I went to El Pollo Loco. It has been years since I ate there. Probably since 2001. It's still good, but I think because of my allergies and the fact my throat is probably scratched up from coughing so much, the spiciness of the burrito I ordered hurt, and I only ate half of it.
After lunch I decided to go ahead and go to CostCo. Eric still had an hour, but of course I could walk around the store and get a little more exercise. First place I went when I got into the store was to the back. To the deli where Eric works. I figured that even if he was in the chicken room or in the production room, he would still see us and know we were there. As I walked towards the back I saw him there at Poke. That made it so much easier to say hi and for him to get a little Brandon time too. He still needed to take his last break so I went over to say hi to Jen, Rosie and the rest of the guys and gals in the deli with Brandon. They, like everybody at oncology, love to see him. I let Jen know that Eric needed his last break and then went back to Eric. Not knowing Jen was right behind me to give him a break. We walked around and sat for about 10 minutes before he had to get back. Brandon was getting tired so I told him that we would be up front waiting for him. 30 minutes later, there he was and we were off to my next appointment. My Echocardiogram.
Yes, I am 37 years old and had an echo done of my heart. It's just a standard test for my transplant. Next week I have my pulmonary test. We got to Kaiser, got to Cardiology and checked in and only had to wait maybe 10 minutes. We went back and I got dressed for the test. I will have to say, this was actually really cool to see my heart. To see it beating. To see the vales. To HEAR my heart beating. The last time I heard a heartbeat and saw the fluttering of a heart was Brandons at my prenatal appointments. It still amazes me how we can do all these tests and ultrasounds to see and hear parts of our bodies nobody really sees or hears. Well, except for our doctors. Eric and Brandon were of course in the room with us and got to see and hear my heart also. Both Eric and I think that when we heard my heart, it was a soothing sound for Brandon. A familiar sound. I could see how that would be too. For the 8 months he was in me, he heard it. There is a saying I saw on Pinterest when I was pregnant with Brandon. "Your child will be the only person to hear your heartbeat from the inside". How true is that? About half way through, Eric decided to take Brandon out to the waiting room and walk around with him because he was getting a little fussy and needed some movement. The tech and I finished and she helped me get everything out to the waiting room. Everything being his carseat. She let me know that everything looked great but if anything was wrong, I would hear from Dr H. By this time, Brandon was asleep and we got situated and left to go get Erics car and go home, but not without stopping for some frozen yogurt. A long day like today called for some.
So, all in all, it was a long busy day, but a productive one at that. We are now in bed, both writing with Brandon sitting between us. He is starring at my screen. Like he's reading what I am typing. But really I think it's the bright shiny light of the computer screen he's looking at. Everything I've done in the last 7 months is all because of him. Without him, we probably wouldn't know about my cancer. I could be sitting here with it and not know. I owe everything to this little guy who stole my heart a little over a year ago when we heard his first heartbeat and saw it fluttering so fast at that first prenatal appointment. Who would have thought at that moment, he would be saving me. His mommy he hadn't actually met yet. He will always have my heart along with Eric. These two keep me grounded.
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