Another Friends Post - Kelly

It's been a while since I've written about a friend of mine who changed my life. Or who I knew would always be apart of me no matter how long we would be apart. The way I met Kelly was kind of funny. Especially since I was always the shy quiet girl in school.

Me, Kathryn, Kelly, Valerie, & Elisabeth at Disneyland

It was the first day of my junior year of high school. It was second period Spanish class with Mrs. Evans. Kelly and I sat next to each other. Well, I sat behind her. Like I said, I'm usually the quiet shy girl at that time in my life. Kelly introduced herself to me and we started talking. We hit it off and found we had a lot in common. Sports, being outdoors, love of animals, movies, etc. It was the perfect friendship. We ended up being on the cross country team together too. I had never been in trouble in school until then. Well, we really weren't in too much trouble. Nothing like detention or suspension. We talked so much through Spanish class that Mrs. Evans separated us. Twice! The first time she put one of us in the front row and the other in the back row in the same row. We still found a way to talk. Then, we were put one in the front row on one side of the room and the other was the back row of the opposite side of the room. It was a little more difficult to talk, but we found a way.

Kelly & Me behind Acapulco

Within the first week of school, we were hanging out outside of school. When we were, it usually involved running, rollerblading or bike riding. We lived a few miles from each other and we would either meet in the middle, I would go to her or she would come to me. Most of the time I would go to her since we would meet at her "uncles" video store. It was a close family friend of hers that she called her uncle. We hung out there a lot. And, that is also how we became friends with a crew on the Browers (later became AMR) ambulance in the same shopping center. We had some great times hanging out at the video store and with our friends Tim and Shane at the ambulance station.

Whenever it was raining, you better believe one of us would call the other and we would either go running or bike riding through the puddles around her house. It usually meant I was riding my bike to her house in the rain. It was so much fun! Sometimes we would do both. Bikes and running. We would find fun in anything. One great thing was watching Top Gun so loud that it would vibrate the house.

Another from behind Acapulco

Kelly made cross country much more fun. I wasn't really a fan of running, until I was running with her. She would crack jokes or mimic our coaches. One thing at to do with "hills are good"! A play on the "pills are good" line from Dumb and Dumber. We ran hills all the time in cross country since that was part of our races. Anytime she would say it, it made me laugh. I'd lose my breath from laughing so much and would have to stop for a minute or two, but it was things like that that made running much more fun. Because of her, is why I ended up running outside of school and our workouts and meets more. I did it when I was younger since I would do Turkey Trots and Triathlons, but I hated running.

Sometimes we would go places with either one of my parents or one of hers. One time, Kelly, her mom and I went to the Westminster mall and ended up looking at puppies there. Kelly really wanted a dog. And somehow she was able to talk her mom into getting one. We played with a few different Golden Retriever puppies and she eventually picked the girl. The whole way home we brainstormed on names. I don't remember when it was finally decided on, but we welcomed Hannah to her family. Hannah went almost everywhere with us. Our usual runs or bike rides now included walks with Hannah. And once Kelly had her license, we would drive to parks and even the beach. Taking Hannah on walks and having new adventures.

Me, Kelly & Hannah at the Hunting Beach Wetlands

Eventually my high school graduation came. Kelly was the one friend I invited to my graduation dinner. To show how goofy we could be, we got wired on iced tea. I guess between the caffeine and the sugar added, it ended up being a bit much for our systems. We had so much energy and just started being goofy afterwards. Running up and down the sidewalk behind the Acapulco in Long Beach that bordered the bay. We would jump up and do the leprechaun heel kick and making funny faces. Looking back, we were kind of cheesy, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

We had a great summer, then I started college and she was still in high school. It wasn't as fun without her. We still saw each other when we could. But between my water polo and swimming workouts, games & meets and her cross country and track workouts and meets, we didn't get to see each other too much. That, unfortunately, was the start of our drifting apart. After two years of college, I joined the military and went to boot camp. I did hear from her. She was one of the few who wrote me probably once a week.

Valerie, Kelly, Me, & Alora at the Cerritos Mall

I got back from boot camp and medic school and we hung out a few times. Unfortunately, being away and us growing up more, made us drift apart. In 2001 I moved to Northern California. It was about a year or so after she got married to a pretty cool guy in the Marine Corps stationed at Camp Pendleton. We tried to keep in touch through e-mail when I moved away, but it got few and far in between and eventually we didn't hear from each other again. Until a few years ago when we found each other on Facebook. We spoke a bit, then one of my trips to Southern California we met up with our friend Valerie for dinner and a walk around the Cerritos mall. It was nice to catch up on what we had been up to since we last spoke. She has 2 kids now, a boy and girl. They are amazing kids.

Since my diagnosis, she has been there more. Texting and calling and even e-mailing on Facebook to see how I'm doing. It's really nice to have an old friend back. Just like it was amazing to get Kristy back in my life at just the right time, it seems I've got Kelly back at just the right time also. We may not hang out since she is in Texas and I am in Northern California, but the occasional talks really make my day. It reminds me that no matter how long between talking to a friend there is, I can always count on my friends to be there when I need them.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

After we shaved my head

Since over a week ago, the day after my stem cells were taken out and I started to have my hair coming out of my head easily with no pain, I've thought about hair. Long ago, before I was even ever diagnosed with cancer and had to go through chemotherapy, I had thought of shaving my hair off. It was actually just over 5 years ago. When my friend Kristy was diagnosed with breast cancer. But, I chickened out. I figured I would look weird. That I would have an odd shaped head or bumps or something. Fast forward 5 years and here I am, shaved head and now basically bald. I have a few small hairs left. But I am sure those will all come out after my next chemo treatment before I get my stem cells back.

No hair, don't care

People value their hair. Some more than others. I will be honest, I was one of those people. Yeah, I've cut my hair pretty short before, but never been brave enough to shave it off, until now. First, I decided to go and get a funky hair cut. One that I do believe I will get again once I have hair again. It may even be my new go to hairstyle. I loved it that much. Then, just over a week ago, when my hair started coming out, Eric shaved my hair off for me. I will be honest, I was scared and nervous. All those thoughts I had before, were still there. But, it had to be done. Once it was done, I actually liked it. It looked good. I felt a little like Demi Moore in G.I. Jane. I had a lot of friends tell me Sinead O'Connor had nothing on me. Eric kept telling me I looked really sexy. He loved the funky hair cut I got before, and he really loved my shaved head also. Now, it's bald. White, since it's never seen the light of day. I need to be careful with going outside. Which is where wearing hats and beanies comes in now.

Bright pink wig from Pink On the Brink at Unconventional

Right now I have only 2 hats, both black which really will not be ok once it gets really got this summer, and a beanie I have been wearing. The beanie is a thin one I've had for years and mainly wear it indoors to keep my head warm because my head gets cold really fast. It's amazing how fast it gets cold. I have a friend who has sent me some head scarves (which her sister gave to me) and she will be sending me more soon. I have another friend, Karen, who took to group she is in asking about wigs and hats and such, and she is sending me some hats and wigs which came from another lady who had cancer and lost her hair. She said her hairs finally growing back and she doesn't need them anymore. I also remembered I had an old bright pink one from my first and unfortunately only Perfectly Posh Unconventional even two years ago in Las Vegas. It needs a little work. A brush or comb to go through it, but it's really fun! Another Posh sister Jen sent me an old purple one she had. That one just arrived today and I wore it for about half the day.

I really like this purple one, Eric tried it too

I can't wait to see what comes from Karen. I am definitely going to bring some of the wigs to Stanford to wear when I go in for my check-up appointment with Dr. W, my labs, my chemo days, and of course getting my stem cells back. I'll have to see which one I should do for that day. Should I go normal and calm or funky and bright? Decisions decisions. I will only be able to decide once I see all that I will have available. Of course, there's always a beanie, hat or head scarf. So many options. So little time. What do you think?

Loving my beanie, too

What I've learned in the last week is, it really doesn't matter about your hair. It will grow back. Once it's back, I can do anything with it. Try different styles. maybe different colors. Still wear wigs, hats, beanies, or scarves. The sky is the limit. At this point, I am keeping my options open. And, realizing that hair isn't everything.

Rings

Rings. Men and women wear them. Women will wear them as regular jewelry, as some men do also, but men & women wear them as a sign of being married. Usually on the ring finger of our left hands. Some married couples take the ring wearing for granted. Others wear them all the time. Sometimes, some men can not wear them or choose not to wear them in their jobs or professions. One I know is a cop. There are some cops that don't wear it because they don't want the criminals they are contacting to know they have a family. Somebody to come home to. If that person they contact doesn't like what the cop did, they may try to come back and harm that cops family. I learned that from an ex boyfriends father who had been a cop. He didn't wear a ring because of who he contacted each day. Another profession that usually doesn't wear a ring is somebody in construction. Which is very understandable. You don't need that thing getting caught on anything and ripping your finger off. A replacement, should you be brave enough to do so, is to get a tattoo ring. For me, I thought of doing that before, but at the same time, you get somebody's name on you or something in those terms and then soon after the relationship is done. So, I opted to not have a tattoo ring. Then again, in my profession as a dispatcher, I can wear my ring. Eric can not wear his because he can not have metal on in the area where he prepares and works with food because it may get in the food.

Our wedding day, August 2, 2013

All that said, I believe many people take wearing their wedding rings for granted. It's something they wear and don't think of. They don't think of the symbolism of it. The fact you and your spouse stood up in front of your family and friends or just friends or just family and professed your love for each other. Vowing to love through thick and thin, sickness and in health (which is where we are now), oil death do you part. Ok, Eric and I didn't have the typical vows. We wrote and said our own. He memorized his. I didn't, but probably better because I would have rambled because I would have forgot mine being in front of all out family and friends. But, you get the point. The ring, worn on our left ring finger, symbolizes our marriage. Eric hates he can not wear his at work. He understands why, but he hates it.

He has a death grip on my hand

For the last month Eric has been able to wear his every day. Why? Because he has been off work on caregiver status. A full time job in itself. Because of my transplant process that we started at the beginning of May, there are a lot of things I can not do. The last week and a half (and we still have another half a week), I have been able to do some things I used to do. So, I've been able to help him more than the first few weeks. But, he has been able to wear his ring every day. Which has made him happy.

In my post about the aphresis day, I posted a picture of my hand on his with him sleeping on my lap. That picture shows many things. For one, just how exhausted he was at that point from doing everything. Taking care of Brandon, the dogs, me, etc. The second thing was it shows the love he has for me. That he is there everyday with me through this whole process. Helping me. Going to appointments with me. Making sure I am doing ok. Those were the two things I took the picture for originally. But I recently thought of a third thing. It shows both of our rings. Something we don't always see because of his job. Because he doesn't get to wear his ring at work, he will sometimes forget to put it on when we go places. But, since being off to be my caregiver, he has made sure he puts it on every day when he wakes up. So, the picture also shows our love we pledged to each other on August 2, 2013 in front of our family and friends. For the last month, we have been able to wear our rings together. At the same time. Everywhere we go. That is something that makes us happy. I am very happy I was able to capture that picture the day my stem cells were being taken out. The only other picture of us wearing our rings at the some time was on our wedding day.

Our rings mean something to us. It shows what we worked so hard for. How about you?

Low Key

Darth Vaders daughter...haha

It's been a few days since I wrote. No real good reason other than, nothing is going on. We are at home. No appointments. No home treatments other than the daily Heparin flush of my Hickman line and the weekly change of bandage around my Hickman line. There really hasn't been anything significant going on. Just the continued loss of my hair. But, nothing that wonderful there. It's been nice not having any appointments. I have had chemo & lab appointment every week since November. Then, once a month you add in a check-up appointment with Dr. H. Not to mention in March when we started to go to Stanford. On top of all the well baby checks from Brandon. Those stopped in April at his 6 month well baby appointment until he turns 1 year old.

My supporters...hubby, brother in law, brother, & a friend of Eric's

What we've been doing since coming home about a week ago from Stanford is just enjoying our time together and with Brandon. Giving him somewhat of a "normal" baby life. Letting him play, cuddle with us, going on walks, visiting friends and family, and just relaxing. He's started to move so much more. Not just his regular "Army" crawl. He's full on crawling within the last week and even trying to walk. He does walk pretty well holding on to our hands or the table or couch or even when inside his pack-n-play. He's a big time mover. We really can't keep up with him. It's nuts! And, at only 7 1/2 months old. He's definitely a smart boy.

 A brother in law supporting me

My cousin Brian supporting me

The dogs have been very well behaved too. We've been able to spend more time with them and we can tell they really appreciate it. They love having their baby brother around more too right now. Especially since he's moving around more. Especially Azul. He follows him around. Sometimes he will keep a fair distance. I think it's because he's not too sure if he likes that he's moving around more or not. Sorry Azul, it's happening whether you like it or not. See, Brandon has been wanting to be in Azuls crate. Whether he's in there or not. And, Azul isn't so sure about that. He gets a worried look when he's in there and Brandon comes that way. So, we are limiting that. We don't need Azul to snap. We don't think he would, but you never know. It's just easier to stop it before it happens.

Trouble

As of now, we have another week here at home until we go back to Stanford. So, we are making the most of it. Other than 2 appointments this week (an eye check up and one to get Eric's EDD paperwork done), we are getting out and going to places somewhat nearby. Just to get out of the house. Once we get back to Stanford, we will make a trip one day before I need to wear the Hepa mask again to the coast. Maybe take some family pictures on the beach. I'll have to teach Eric's parents how to use my Nikon for it. Or, we can just use the remote we have. Note to self, add tripod to my packing list.

Well, I need to get Brandon in the bath. Then it's bath time for me afterwards. And bedtime for the munchkin. I'm loving having a little downtime right now. And being able to help out a little around the house. Eric still has to do a lot of it, but I am helping where I can.

Hair Day

Family Photo

Today became hair day. Well, after travel day. We left Stanford to drive home at about noon today. Before that, when I woke up, I was running my fingers through my hair. Now, since I cut my hair to the awesome funky short hair cut, I haven't had any shedding. This morning, I had some clumps come out. It also happened in the shower while washing my hair and then while combing my hair. I showed and told Eric what was happening and we decided that when we got home today, we would shave it. While driving home, I had a few more clumps that came out while running my fingers through my hair. Not huge clumps that left me with bald spots, but enough that I knew it was starting to fall out. So, it had to happen.

Clumps

We got home, unloaded the car and then relaxed a little bit with the dogs and then with Brandon in his room. Finally, we set everything up to shave my hair off. Eric got his clippers out and the sheet he uses as a drop cloth for cutting his hair. I set a chair down and added a blanket and old pillow covered by a towel so I could see myself in the mirror. Once Brandon was situated with his toys on the floor, we got to the shaving. It was a weird feeling to have him shaving my hair off for me. Usually, for anything hair related, I would go to my friend Colleen and to the salon she works at. But for this, it was a need to do now and Eric really wanted to do it.

Before

We did a few different pictures. I took a before picture. Of how my hair was. Then, as he was about to shave my hair, we did a goofy picture when honestly, he kind of looks like a psycho. But it was funny. A few others were while he was actually shaving it of me with a scared look and then a crazy long on top only and shaved around the sides. We did a mohawk too before we shaved off the rest. I was scared to. Not sure why. It's just a crazy mohawk. But for some reason I didn't want to. Then, I said to myself, "What the heck! I'll never have it again." And told him to go ahead and do it. After we got a picture, off it all went. One big clump of hair. There in his hand.

 Crazy eyes! 

Eric finished up my hair. Making sure to get any extra spots taken care of and to even out my hair. Then, we were done. My hair was all over the drop cloth. And my hair felt even lighter than when I went to the funky cut. I was a little worried too how Brandon was going to take it. What he was going to think. The other cut I wasn't so much since I did pull my hair back a lot. But this time. This time all my hair was going to be gone. But, he could care less. He still got a huge smile on his face and wanted his mommy. The dogs didn't react differently either. You never know with them. But, they still wanted some love from their mommy. I swear, sometimes I think they know what's going on and how I may be feeling. Before we left for Stanford on Sunday, Azul was almost attached to me for a few days. Sitting as close as he could to me without sitting on me. Kahlua wanted to be sitting with me.

Mohawk

After dinner, I was starting to get really tired. So, since it was already about 8pm, we decided to come upstairs to really wind down and go to bed. As you can tell, it's almost 10pm and I am awake. I had decided to take a relaxing bath for my back and while I was waiting for Eric to get upstairs to take care of Brandon, I was sitting there playing with him. This was funny. He was laying on the floor, looked at me, and just started to giggle. Full on belly giggles. I think it was the hair. I think it really got him going. I didn't have to tickle him or make silly faces. He was just giggling. And cooing. And talking away. I love that my new hair doesn't bother him. Especially since there is still one more step. The step where even this buzzed head will be falling out and I will be like Mr. Clean!

 Finished!

My Rock! My "Twin"!

Now, I need to figure out how to wrap some scarves around my head. I will embrace the baldness, but at the same time, my head has never seen the light of day. It's white. Very white. It will burn. And, it's hot here. Today it was in the 90's, and this summer it will only get hotter. So, light scarves and some hats it is.

Writing

Apheresis

Leaving for Stanford

Since last Wednesday we have been waking up early to go and do labs to see where my white blood cell count is at since having that high dose of Cytoxan chemotherapy about a week and a half ago. Over the weekend we had to go all the way down to the Morse Ave Kaiser to have my labs done since Roseville wasn't open. The part that wasn't open is the Oncology/Infusion Treatment Area. I mentioned how on Saturday I had a big jump from 0.3 on Friday to 1.1 on Saturday. Well, I had an even bigger jump from Saturday to Sunday. Sunday my count was 6.2! I didn't know before we got the call from Stanford to tell us to come in today. We had just gotten home from doing labs, stopping at Old Navy & Walgreens and were about to eat while waiting for my friend Julie to get to our house so we could rest. Eric was able to hear Vickie, the nurse who called, on the phone while I was talking to her and both of us, at the same time, said "Holy crap!" when we heard the numbers. Vickie told me that I could stop wearing my hepa filter mask except when I go to Stanford and am around the construction and inside the cancer treatment building since there are people sicker than myself there. I was also told to stop taking 2 of my medications and that I could go back to eating anything. We could eat at restaurants now. Well, at least until the next step.

 Sitting in the drivers seat with daddy on a rest break from driving

 Goofy time with mommy on a driving break

Ready for bed 

As soon as I got off the phone yesterday with Vickie, Eric & I needed to decide if we were going to wake up at about 3am to drive to Stanford in the morning or to leave last night so we could sleep in a little longer. My appointment to do labs was at 7:15am. We decided to drive last night and we got a hotel room for us and Eric's parents. It worked out very well. We had a great room and Eric and I left while his parents and Brandon were able to sleep in and stay in the room until check out time. After labs, which went really fast, we had a few hours to kill and went and walked around Target. Then we stopped at Starbucks for some coffee. Since we didn't have anything else to do or anywhere else to go, we went at sat in the shade in the car in the parking lot of the Stanford Shopping Center. We were there for about 15 minutes when we got the call to come back for the apheresis. For the stem cell collection. Luckily, we were only about 5 minutes away.

Ready to go! All hooked up and starting the extraction

So sleepy, always by my side

Once we got back to the Infusion Treatment Area and they hooked me up and got the process started, it was just after 10am. The process of extracting my stem cells was going to take about 4 hours. So, there I sat. Connected to this machine that took my blood and spun it really fast to make the stem cells fly out into the collection bag. After that, my blood was sent back into my body. In essence, it was an oil change. Sitting there having my blood taken out of my body and put back in, I got really exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open. At the same time, it was tough to fall asleep and be comfortable because this process was making me freezing. I ended up having 4 blankets and 2 heat packs on me to keep me warm. I think I was finally able to really sleep for the last hour. It wasn't a true sleep, but at least I was able to rest.

Sleeping with 4 blankets and 2 heat packs

Vickie unhooked me, flushed my catheter and as she was putting together her paperwork and items to be sent off for me, she said she believes we got enough for two transplants today. But, either way, she would be calling us in a few hours (it was just after 2:00pm at this point) to let us know if we had to come back in tomorrow or if we were free to go home. During all of this, I sat there, trying to get feeling back in my legs to walk decently to get back to the car. Laying in a reclining chair for 4 hours without getting up having your blood taken out of your body and put back in and not eating or drinking anything makes for one tired useless body. Another nurse brought me some apple juice and graham crackers to help get some sugar back into my body. Finally, we were able to leave and go check-in to the H.O.M.E. Apartments.

We got to the apartments, checked-in, got everything inside, had some lunch and Eric & I were resting when we got the call just before 5:00pm. Vickie called to let us know that we were FREE to go home! That we got more than enough stem cells for two transplants. Now, I am not sure of what the units are, but all we needed was 4 and we got 9.4. That is WAY more than enough for two transplants. Did I mention that my white blood cell count today was at 17? That's an even bigger jump from yesterday than it was from Saturday to Sunday. My body is fighting this nasty disease.

So excited to get to go home early!

Now, we are having a relaxing evening. Just sitting in the apartment, playing with Brandon, visiting with Eric's parents and will leave casually tomorrow to drive home after the morning rush hour traffic. It feels good knowing that I don't have any doctors or lab appointments until June 1st when we come back to Stanford to start the final portion of my stem cell transplant. The actual transplant to happen on June 6th. I'm scared, excited and nervous, all at the same time. But, I know everything will be fine. This is going to put me into Complete Response for a long time. Or at least I hope for a long time.

Well, until my next post, thank you for reading and following my journey. This is the easiest way to let everybody know what is going on.

Building My Stem Cells

Since we have been home from Stanford on May 7th, Eric has been giving me daily Neupogen shots. Actually, through Kaiser it is a different name. Kaiser calls it Zarxio. Two different syringes pre filled. One has 480MCG/0.8ML and the other has 300MCG/0.5ML. Its the same thing as Neupogen, just a different manufacturer. I get one each of these shots daily into my abdomen. Neupogen is a bone marrow stimulant. It can help the body make white blood cells after receiving cancer medications. It can also improve survival in people exposed to radiation. Basically, it's a fertilizer for my stem cells. I talked about how the Cytoxan chemotherapy I had on May 5th was done to deplete any cancer causing Myeloma in my bone marrow. That is why I am getting these shots. That way I will have fresh stem cells to be taken out for my transplant.

There are several different side effects of the Neupogen shot. Nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, hair loss, mouth sores or ulcers, infection, bleeding, infertility or sterility, anemia, fatigue, cataracts, and organ complications such as heart, liver or lung failure. Two that I experienced almost right away were fatigue and diarrhea. Yep, I will admit it. I had diarrhea. Nothing seemed to really help it either. But I had it. Another side effect that a lot of people, if not everybody that gets this shot has, is bone pain. I am experiencing this right now. I thought it started this morning, but thinking back, it actually started last night when I was trying to go to sleep. I thought it was restless leg, but now I realize it was this bone pain. It's in the long bones, hips & sternum. What it feels like? It's a horribly painful throbbing pain throughout. It comes and goes but is always there. What's causing this throbbing bone pain? It's engrafting.

Don't mind the flabbiness, but this is something that can happen from the Neupogen shots

What is engrafting you may ask? It is when the new blood-forming cells start to grow and make healthy blood stem cells that show up in your blood. You will get pain from it because the new blood is forming fast and basically filling in your bone marrow. So, it will make your bones ache and hurt. Mainly the large bones like your legs, arms, sternum and especially in women, pelvic bone. It's a throbbing ache. Think, migraine headache, but in your bones. Anybody that has ever had a migraine (I used to get them all the time) will understand that feeling. It's the best way to describe this pain. According to a doctor, once my White Blood Count gets to 2.0, the pain should subside. Not go away, but be better tolerable. That will hopefully be tomorrow, but we really don't know. The engrafting will definitely happen after my transplant also. On the Be The Match webpage, they talk about the engrafting for after the transplant. If you want to see what they say, you can go to here...
https://bethematch.org/for-patients-and-families/getting-a-transplant/engraftment--days-0-30/

Labs from the last 4 days

On Wednesday this past week, May 11th, I started going in for daily labs in the morning. The reason for these labs is to see where I am with my white blood count. Dr. W told Eric and me that what we are looking for is for my white blood count to get to 3. He only told us the number. He didn't describe what it means. All we know is, we are waiting for the number to be at 3 before Stanford will call us to come in the next day to take my stem cells out. A process called Aphesis. Which I will talk about when it happens. On Wednesday, we got the results back and my white blood count was at 0.4. Almost zero. Thursday they went down more to 0.2 and Friday to 0.3. This morning we went in and I was feeling a lot better than I had been, minus the bone pain. I had my labs done and by about 12:30pm or so the results were in. My white blood count is now at 1.1. That's up almost a whole point. It makes me excited to see what it will be at tomorrow.

So, for now it's all just a waiting game. Waiting to for the next morning lab appointment. Waiting for the next results. Waiting for the call from Stanford. Waiting is tough, but I will do it. As I have said before, I will do it because it means I will be better soon.