Day +33 - 3 Days With No Special Diet

Day +33. I am 33 days old today. Feeling a little better each day. Getting closer and closer to being myself. Many people have asked me what I had as my first meal not on the low microbial diet. It wasn't so much a meal, as it was a sandwich. Or, really, a burger. I was able to have homemade hamburgers while on the diet, but I was craving a few days ago a Sourdough Jack burger from Jack In the Box. Here's something about those and me...I don't EVER eat those. I had one maybe 10 years ago and it was too greasy for me. But, for some reason, I was craving it. So, Eric brought one home for me on the way home from work. And let me tell ya, it hit the spot. That burger tasted so good. I can't say I will ever get another one. I haven't had a craving for it since and it doesn't sound good now, but that day. My first day not on the low microbial diet, that Sourdough Jack was amazing!

Since being off the special diet, I haven't gone too crazy. Honestly, I've had that burger and then one of my old friends was in town for work and she came by. We ended up getting pizza. Just like the Sourdough Jack, it hit the spot. But, unlike the burger, I wasn't craving pizza. But it still hit the spot. Also, unlike the burger, I will definitely have pizza again. We ended up with Round Table Pizza. Since they deliver. We got a pizza I hadn't had before. The Italian Garlic something or other. It was really good. Probably one of the best pizzas I have had.

Dinner tonight...makeshift chicken parmesan

Now, I know that I can go back to eating anything again and eating out, but there are a few things I'd rather not eat yet. Just to make sure. Lettuce and tomato are two things. Mainly because there is a fear they may carry listeria. Of course, we can wash them here at home, but out at a restaurant or fast food place, you can't guarantee that the people who prepare your food are going to clean it the way I need it to be cleaned. That's a mother reason I'm not going crazy and eating out everywhere I can right now.

Not only is eating out a shock to my system after over a month of not eating out, but my taste buds have changed a little. They will come back, but we were told to give it at least another month until that does happen. So, no eating at my favorite places. Also, my stomach isn't what it used to be. I can't eat as much as I used to. One example is mac and cheese. I can make a box and usually eat almost half of it. I know, crazy. Now, I am lucky if I have 1/4 of it. If that. It's nice though, because I learn better portion control. But, I definitely haven't deprived myself of the sweet stuff. Mainly cookies and candies. Hard candies like Jolly Ranchers and other candies like M&M's mainly. Oh! Twix too! Love me my Twix!

Using B's high chair as a table, otherwise his hands get in my food

Hopefully by the beginning of August I will feel up to going out for a nice dinner. Eric and I usually go to Buca di Bepo for our anniversary/my birthday. It's all going to depend on my appetite and taste buds at that point. Like everything else since the beginning of the transplant process, it may have to wait and be celebrated later. I want my taste buds to be back to normal for that restaurant. I would have to say, it's probably my favorite Italian restaurant. There are others that are a close second though.

Until the next post, I leave you with a picture of the delicious cookie Eric brought home from work. You have got to love these CostCo chocolate chip cookies!!!

CostCo chocolate chip cookie...yum!!

Going Back To Work...Soon

I honestly didn't think it would be that hard. After 11 1/2 months off, I figured I'd be fine with going back to work. Now, I think all the time I've been off is making it harder. And especially since Brandon is developing so much more now. I know I'm not going back tomorrow, but I will be going back really soon. I just found out today that my catastrophic leave is used up. Basically, per the contract, I'm only allowed 6 months of it. And, well, I've exhausted that. Of course, I found this out from old co-workers. Not anybody above me or personnel. So, I have to go back to work in order to get paid.

9 month photo shoot

All of that means, I need to get some paperwork taken care of ASAP so I can be found a different job. Because I can not go back to the park our dispatch center is at. If I did, I wouldn't be able to dispatch anyway. I can not be around all the dust and dirt from the off road tracks and everything out there. Not to mention, we will need to figure out child care. Of course, there will be days we won't need it because Eric will be home or we will only need 2 or 3 hours because Eric will work later than I will and I will be off soon after he starts. We have our friend Julie who has offered, but the only problem there is the days Eric drops him off. He will have to leave a few hours before going to work to drop him off then head in to work. All of this will be so different for us. Especially Brandon. He's great with other people, but he's only used to his house and family's house. Well, except for one friends house...or should I say, farm. He loved it there.

Dinner time

Just thinking of leaving Brandon all day is making me sad. Every time I think about it, I get tears in my eyes. I know it'll be good for him. I know he's ready, it's just really hard. When your whole life, other than cancer treatment, has been your child. He has been the happy in my bad days. He's been there to always put a smile on my face throughout the day. I love snuggling him for his naps. He's definitely my little buddy. My little man. He is my fun, fearless, crazy, happy boy. I don't want to miss a moment of his life. But, I know I will have to.

Standing on his chair

How do you do it? How do all you working moms go back to work after having your baby? I'm finding it's going to be really hard. And mine is 9 months old now. Most women go back to work when their baby is anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months old. That's got to be really hard too. But, I guess I need to get used to the idea. Gotta pay the bills.

Day +29

It's been a little while since I've written. Nothing new has happened with my battle/fight/kicking butt since then either. I had a doctors appointment with my Kaiser oncologist, Dr. H, last Friday. It wasn't much new. Mainly so he could see me again and have a check up on his side since everything has been at Stanford since the beginning of May. He congratulated us on the "no sign of cancer in my body" notification and we talked a little about what we will be doing in the coming months. He wasn't sure exactly when at the time, but he said I would be back on Zometa. Zometa is the IV medication which helps my bones. Since, the transplant doesn't fix/repair the compression fractures I have in my lumbar and T12 region. This morning, I got the call that he wants to start me on that (it's only once a month usually) after the 14th of July. So, July 20th will be my 1st Zometa IV since the end of April.

Other than that, nothing new is going on health wise. Today is day +29. It's been 29 days since my transplant. And I feel amazing each day. Sometimes I get sick still. I think it's from the chemo. But not too much. It comes on fast and is gone fast. It doesn't take me away from my day or Brandon really. Which, he's got me on my toes. He is constantly moving it seems. Crawling all over the place. I feel bad for Azul because Brandon loves to get into his crate. So, I have to keep it closed. Usually, when Azul is needing some "alone time" he will go in there and lay down for a while. Unfortunately, a lot of the times it's closed. I try to remember to open it up again once Brandon is going to nap. Since he naps in my arms. And for at least 90 minutes now...when he does nap. He spends probably half the time of his nap fighting it. Finally giving in and taking a 90 minute nap.

Something I've been thinking of a lot lately is being able to decorate the house. Well, redecorating it. I want to paint the downstairs. The living and dining rooms. I want to get the crate console table put together and brought inside to use. I want to make a new baby gate out of the pallets we have in the garage. Of course, a lot of baby proofing of this place needs to be done too. We want to get rid of excess "junk" laying around. Selling it and then there is also the stuff to just throw away. So much I'd like to do, but really, no time at all. Or at least no time and energy right now. Energy is the main thing. Mine is still building itself back up. And, Brandon usually takes most of what I do have since he is a crawling fool. Not to mention, he's on the verge of walking too. Just today he started to stand by himself. Not holding on to anything. With that, I will probably be minus in energy to do anything around the house.

Soon enough I will be going back to work. Which, I need to talk to my doctor about. I need to know how much more catastrophic leave I will need. I have mixed emotions though about going back to work. I have spent basically 9 months now tomorrow, home with my little man, and I love it. If only there was a way to make, easily, the money I make working while staying home with him. I know Eric and I have talked about me becoming a writer. Publishing books, etc. But, that could take a while. So much to do and think about. I know we will be spending most of our paychecks on child care when that time comes also. Which, isn't going to be fun. I think I need to actually play the lottery and win! Isn't that what we all say?

Well, I'm just rambling now. Little man is standing next to me as I type this. Standing, as in not holding on to anything. And now he's sitting. Just like that. Not long before he's walking. I should go. No more rambling and small talk. I just wanted to give a quick update since it's been a while since I wrote.

To Our Helpers

Goofy boy with daddy's sweat band on Grandpa Hoover

I think this post is long overdue. I've been diagnosed for 10 months now with Multiple Myeloma. Of course, it's turned our world upside down. What cancer doesn't do that to any person or family? Since my diagnosis and since we came out and let people know about it, we have had an outpouring of help. So many people. No matter how small the gesture or help or how big, have helped us out in one way or another.

All smiles with Nanny & Grandpa Hoover

There are people who made food for us. That's something we really didn't think about. It's helped a lot in the sense that it's one last thing we've had to think about. We just pull that meal out of the freezer or refrigerator and heat it up. No thinking in what to make or what ingredients to get. Just turn on the oven and let it do the work. And the meals we've gotten have been delicious! And really, if you'd like, you can keep them coming. At least a few. We have a counter depth refrigerator, so there's not as much storage in our freezer and refrigerator spots.

Being silly with Grandpa Hoover

To those who have spent a few hours just hanging out. So I could rest or even we end up talking and catching up. Even those small mental breaks have helped. Especially when Eric or myself can sleep. We don't sleep very well lately. Between Brandon and not knowing what's next with treatment to not knowing if I'm going to be sick the next morning or not. It makes it tough to get a full good nights sleep. We expected it with having a new baby. We were ready to deal with that part, but then the cancer diagnosis came and that made things even worse. So, the time spent with us or even letting us sleep has been very much appreciated.

 Visiting in the hospital

In front of the apartments after visiting mommy

To the friends and family who took Brandon for the day so Eric and I could have some alone time. We know Brandon had so much fun with you guys. From the pictures and your texts. Not to mention, his attitude when you brought him back to us. It shows how much love he has in his life. How many people love and adore him. We like to think he's such a calm and easy baby because of us, when really, it's you guys also. He has such a great "family" unit around him. Teaching him. Helping him grow. He definitely knows how much he's loved. And we can see it also.

 Grandpa Kevin and the Minion

 Koi fish with Grandpa Kevin

Doggie statue with Grandpa Kevin

Then there are those of you who help from afar. Those who live miles and miles away. Who are not able to physically be here to help. Thank you for the gift cards for restaurants, grocery stores, VISA gift cards, etc. Believe me, they are appreciated beyond words. It gives Eric and I a date night. It gives us a little extra when we may be running low on funds due to prescriptions and copays. It helps us get formula, food and diapers for Brandon in those times also.

 Sleepy visiting mommy

Smiley for Grandpa Kevin

Last, the help we've had while at Stanford. Our neighbor who helped take care of the dogs while we were gone. We and the dogs love you for it. We were so worried about who would take care of them and afraid we were going to have to board them. Which would mean more money. Then, to my dad for coming up to Stanford and when we lost the apartment, staying and helping here at home with Brandon until you had to get back. We appreciate and love you so much for that. To my mother and father in law for coming all those weeks or days to Stanford to help us with Brandon also. And making all the meals for us. All of it is so much appreciated. I know for all of you, my dad and my mother and father in law, you had to take time away from your regular days/weeks to come to Stanford. For that, we appreciate it so much. And I know it makes Brandon and yourselves happy to be able to spend that time with him. He's growing and developing so fast right now, you all got to be apart of it. If at least for a little bit.

With Grandpa Kevin

To everybody, and especially our parents, thank you! Everything is so much appreciated and I don't think we can tell you enough. Thank you and we love you all!

With Grandpa Hoover & Cousin Alyssa

Day +19 - Day After Appointment

Day +19. 19 Days after my transplant. Yesterday we went to Stanford for a follow up appointment of labs and to hopefully get my catheter out. Especially since we didn't have any other appointments scheduled for that part of the process. Next appointment there is with Dr. W in the clinic area. Not the treatment area.

We were called and told to allow an extra 90 minutes to get there because President Obama was going to be at Stanford University for a speech. So, we did. And there was NO traffic. We got there 90 minutes early. Luckily they took us early. About an hour early. But, after everything was done, we were out of there about the time we would have if we were taken at the right time. But, with everything that went on and we were told, I am ok with that.

On the way home, after the great news

We had labs drawn first. Since those take about an hour to come back. Those came back and everything was looking great. Well, my potassium was a bit low for them, but otherwise it's fine. They gave me potassium pills to take after I ate last night. Then, we were told that yes, my catheter was coming out yesterday. That was exciting! It made me happy because now, even though I am sore today a bit, I can hold Brandon and not have to worry about him trying to pull or yank on it.

After about 2 hours or so, we were moved to a bed from a chair so I would be ready for the nurse practitioner (NP) to take my catheter out. When the NP came in, she talked to us about the procedure and then left to get the supplies to take out the catheter. Right here is where I started to get nervous. Because 1, I was going to be awake....and 2, I didn't know if it was going to hurt or not.  I knew she was going to numb it with Lidocaine, but I still had no clue. Of course, the lidocaine hurt the most. But I still winced when she was tugging and pulling. There was a little "velcro" like piece on the tube to help keep it in place. So, even if Brandon had tugged and pulled on it, I don't think he would have gotten it out. The NP had to push my skin open a bit with a tool in order to maneuver the catheter out. Then, once she got the "velcro" part out, she let Eric pull the rest of it out. Funny thing is, I thought he was still pulling and was making a wincing face when he was actually done. They both had to tell me that it was out at least twice before I realized it.

My catheter that we got to keep

Once it was out, she put some gauze on it and placed a small sandbag on it to help any possible bleeding stop. I sat there with it on my chest for about 10 minutes. She came back in and checked out the hole and then placed the steri strips on it. I keep them on until they fall off on their own. She's also a NP after my own heart. She put so many on it. Something I would have done. Just to make sure. Then, she placed a piece of gauze on top of that in case it started to bleed through on our way home. No need for blood to get on my shirt. Especially my new Irma from Lularoe I love so much.

Once done with the catheter part, she said we were all set to go. She made sure to tell us that everybody was going to miss us because we were young and so positive. Because, they don't see many people with Multiple Myeloma as young as I am coming in there. We had also let her know how we found out about my MM because she didn't know the whole story. She was so surprised and called Brandon a little lifesaver. Which, that's what we've been saying since we found out about my MM. The last thing she told us, which made me tear up, was that there is no sign of cancer in my body. Yep, you read that right. I am in complete response! Of course, I am still tired and still "healing" from my transplant, but I have no cancer in my body. So, that's the really good news.

The new "bandage" until it falls off...steri strips

Now, we just wait the rest of the 100 days. I have 80 left to go. That's the time for totally recuperation. Right now, I'm still pretty tired easily. Especially if I overdo it. I try not to, but it is in my nature to do a lot. Traveling especially tires me out. I found that out yesterday. Even if I'm not physically doing anything there, I still get really exhausted. It makes it so the next day I am so tired I sleep. Today, I took a 3 hour nap. And Brandon slept with me for about 2 of that. He always sleeps better, at least naps, when one of us is in the bed with him.

So, for now, we sit and celebrate calmly the great news. No eating out still. Until Day +30, but that's ok. I think going out to eat would be too exhausting on me right now. So, we hang out at home. Run a few errands every now and then and just relax. It's what the doctor ordered!

Being a Mommy With Cancer & Having An Infant

I know nobody wishes they got cancer. Most people I know wish there was a cure already for all cancers and even some post those pictures or saying that say "I wish cancer got cancer and died". Believe me, I've reposted things like that on social media before. Before I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma I posted those kind of things a lot. because I have been the family member or friend who was on the other side. Not really knowing or understanding, but supporting. Doing what I could to be there for them. The most recent was 5 years ago when my really good friend, a best friend, Kristy was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I cried, laughed and talked with her from over 400 miles away. It was what I could do. It is what she's done for me.

I will be honest. There is no history of cancer in my family on either side that we all know of. So, when I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, it came as a huge shock. Especially since I was 28 weeks pregnant. I cried myself to sleep a lot in the few weeks after my diagnosis. Eric and I tried a few times to get pregnant. I know not as many as many couples, but for my older age, it was a lot to me. The first miscarried at 6 weeks. The second, at 12, almost 13 weeks. So, for my pregnancy, I was already scared every day. Every check up. It was a tough thing to try to feel so happy and excited. To show the happiness and excitement. But deep down, feeling so scared every day. Each check up I could breath a little easier once I heard that heartbeat or saw that cute little body on the screen. The thing that made me uneasy also was the high protein levels in my urine each visit starting around 19 or 20 weeks along. At least I knew I didn't have preeclampsia since my blood pressure was low.

At my check up around 27 weeks, my doctor got on the phone right away to talk to a Nephrologist. A kidney doctor. I remember that appointment well because my mother in law came to this appointment also. The first time she came to one. I'm not sure how she felt when my doctor started to talk about the protein levels and called the Nephrologist, but I do know I was nervous. Because I had been so scared through the whole pregnancy about losing it. Luckily, I got in that same day to see the Nephrologist. We talked a little about what was going on and she ordered some more labs for me to do. She told me they may take about a week or so to come back, but she would let me know what she found. So, labs were done and the wait began. Everything kept coming back normal until the last test. The test that made her refer me to a Hematologist, or an Oncologist. At 28 weeks pregnant I was diagnosed.

Now, after the shock. The crying myself to sleep at night. The walking and sitting around like a zombie almost, was over, I thought to myself, how do I tell my son his mommy has cancer. It's not like he was old enough to sit down and talk to him about it. To tell him mommy has a boo boo that is making her sick. He wasn't born yet. And once he was here, I still wouldn't be able to do that. It'll be years before I can. He is 8 1/2 months old now. Corrected age, since I had him five weeks early, is 7 months. He doesn't know why we have so many doctors appointments we go to. Why a lot of his "family" are the Oncology nurses and my Oncologist. He doesn't know why mommy has no hair. Why sometimes she feels so sick and weak she can barely hold him. Why she has these, to him, awesome tubes coming out of her chest that look like something to yank and play with. He doesn't know any of that. But, he is a happy healthy baby anyway.

Trying to go through cancer treatments while having an infant is really hard. There is no manual on how to do it. Nobody can tell you how to get through it all. I didn't start my chemotherapy until five weeks after he was born. Then, I was on a 28 day cycle. I did 6 of them before going in to start my stem cell transplant process. The first couple of weeks I would get sick three days after. That was tough to try to feed, change and take care of him and the dogs while my husband was at work while feeling so under the weather I thought he was going to be neglected. Eventually, we got on a rhythm and my husband ended up staying home on those days. Which helped out a lot. Once we realized that I would get sick in the mornings and by about noon or 1:00pm I would be fine, he went back to work but in the evenings on that day.

The hardest part of my treatment has been my stem cell transplant process. When it started, I got my catheter put in. You know, the awesome tubes coming from my chest that he thinks are play toys. Then, I had a full day of chemotherapy that wiped me out. Which meant I could have our mommy and son time we usually have. That's when I started to not be able to change his diapers and be around his spit up. It was tough because without help, everything was on my husband. We finally got some help, and then I was back to being able to change some diapers again because my stem cells had been extracted. A few weeks later, we were back at that same routine. The routine we are in now and still have 85 days left of. I started two more chemotherapy days which really wiped me out. This time more than the last. It was the start of the horrible week long, seven day, stay in the hospital. Where I had to be away from my son. I had a fever, was sick and really weak. I think I was the weakest I have ever been. I know it was harder for me than him to be away from him for that long. And, especially at night. But, I am back with him now and I know I personally sleep better than I did for those seven days.

Right now, all of this definitely hurts me more than him. I get emotional over some things. Okay, a lot of things. I fell like he hasn't been able to have a normal babyhood yet. It's all doctors appointments as I've said before. But, we do try to throw in some fun every now and then. One thing that does keep me positive through all of this, is knowing he did save my life. He was warning us early on there was something wrong. Not with him. But with me. Slowly it crept in and my doctor got the right tests done to find it. Once he is old enough, we will sit him down and tell him what happened. We will tell him how he saved his mommy's life. How he may not have had an "normal" early months, but we made the best of it.

Being a mommy with cancer to an infant is not east. I said it already. I will say it again. I will keep saying it. No matter how strong you think you are, you are never ready for what cancer, cancer treatment and having to take care of an infant can do to you. They say parenthood the more exhausting time of your life. Then, add in cancer and treatment. I've never felt this exhaustion. And I don't think I ever will again. But honestly, I can't say I would change it for anything. Well, maybe I wouldn't be diagnosed with cancer. But, nobody can say never to that one. You just never know if or when your time is. And, if it does come to you, just be positive and work your way through it. Positivity, my husband and especially my sons faces have been what's gotten be through it all. Not to mention the support from family and friends. You really do find out who truly cares for you when you are diagnosed with cancer. Then add having a new infant and you have more support.

Day +14 Follow Up Appointment Day

Today is day +14. That means it's been 14 days since I had my stem cell transplant. This morning we drove out to Stanford for my follow-up appointment to see how I am doing. We gave us well over enough time to get there since we didn't want to feel rushed. So, since we were there about an hour and a half early, we went over to the main University campus, waked around and went to the Bookstore to look around also. It was kind of a dream since growing up and swimming I always wanted to go to Stanford. It was really neat to walk around the small part we did and just be on the campus. I felt really good walking around also, which is really good for my healing/recovery.

After about 45 minutes, we drove back over to the hospital to go to my appointment. Unfortunately, we didn't have any help with Brandon, so Eric couldn't go back with me, but that was okay. I wasn't back there too long. Just long enough to have labs drawn, see the nurse practitioner make my next appointment. In all, about an hour. But, when I got back there, a lot of the nurses remembered me and they all said how amazing and great I was looking.

About 30 minutes into my appointment, my labs started to come back. Really about the time I started talking to the nurse practitioner who had been there since transplant day. She was in the room doing the checkoff when I had my transplant. She came over with a HUGE smile on her face. Not knowing if it was because she was happy to see me looking good like the rest of the nurses or because of the lab results, I smiled back with a big smile also. Come to find out, it was because of both. She was so happy to see me looking so good and back to my "normal" self and because of my labs. My labs were REALLY good for day +14. As in, my numbers have grown so much since Friday and I don't have to wear the Darth Vader mask anymore. Well, except for going in and out of the Cancer Center. That's two the only time I need to wear it. I still have to be on the low microbial diet, so no restaurants or fast food, for another two weeks. But, I can do that.

Now, for the best part. This Friday we go back to Stanford. Yes, twice in one week, but this is good. We go back for the LAST time. Yep! You read right, the LAST time. On Friday I go in, have labs drawn, have my catheter taken out (WOOHOO THANK YOU!!!!!) and then see my doctor, Dr. W. It's going to be a long day/week, but so worth it in the end when we don't have to come back for a very long time. As in, probably when my cancer comes back. But, now we know what to expect.

I know I say is almost every post, but thank you everybody who has supported us through all of this. Never doubted us, helped us and everything else. It really means a lot. We don't need money, we just need physical help. Especially home cooked meals. Those are very much appreciated too!